


We Can Try

by the_sun_is_a_deadly_laser



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Abusive Sonia Kaspbrak, Based On True Events Mine To Be Exact, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Formation of the Losers Club, Group Therapy, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jealous Richie Tozier, M/M, Mental Hospital AU, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier is a Little Shit, Self-Acceptance, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, and they were ROOMMATES, supportive friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:28:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26018032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_sun_is_a_deadly_laser/pseuds/the_sun_is_a_deadly_laser
Summary: Eddie Kaspbrak comes out to his mother and the next thing he knows, he's in the emergency room. His mother demands that he be sent to a conversion camp, but, because they're illegal, it is recommended that Eddie go to a mental hospital because it is revealed that he has thoughts of hurting himself.There, at Pine Rest, he meets six people that make him feel accepted, safe, normal, and good. They're the six people that will save his life and make it worth living.He meets Richie Tozier, Beverly Marsh, Mike Hanlon, Bill Denbrough, Ben Hanscom, and Stanley Uris and his life is better for it.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 13
Kudos: 55





	1. Let's Pretend That Nothing Is Awful

**Author's Note:**

> hi. i'm Maeve and this is a story of love found in a mental hospital. based off of an actual experience of mine, but he decided to pull some shit and do coke in front of me. anyway. this is about love, self-acceptance, and unproductive group therapy.
> 
> all of this is based off of my stay at Pine Rest fucking mental hospital and Cedar Creek fucking mental hospital feat. actual conversations and situations that happened to me but the abusive Sonia is just an abusive Sonia, my mom was just passive and aggressive

"WHAT?!"

"Ma'am, please, calm down-" 

"No! He needs help! My little Eddie-bear needs help! There has to be some kind of treatment, he's _sick-"_

The nurse held up a hand to Sonia Kaspbrak's face, something that no one had ever dared to do before. She fell silent in shock. Eddie's jaw dropped from his place on the hospital bed in oversized blue scrubs, admiring the pure nerve of this young man.

"Lady," the young man said, "it's 2020. He's gay. So what? There will be no conversion therapy, and if you say that again, I _will_ call CPS on you and have your son taken away." 

Sonia opened her mouth and took a breath, but the nurse continued talking over her. Eddie covered his open mouth with his hand. 

"What I can do for you, Eddie," he turned to Eddie, "is get you into a mental hospital. If what you told the child psychiatrist is true, that you can't keep yourself safe, you need to go. We can't risk you killing yourself." 

Eddie's eyes burned and he tried to swallow the lump in his throat. This man, someone that he'd met twelve hours ago, cared more about his wellbeing than his mother did. He nodded. The nurse smiled kindly at him before turning back to Sonia, who was dumbstruck. 

"We'll need a copy of your insurance card and I've already called around. There's a bed open in Pine Rest, which is about an hour's drive from here. Once we get your card, we'll bring some paperwork and call an ambulance to take him. You'll have to go with him to fill out the paperwork." 

Sonia didn't move and the nurse got impatient. 

"Card?" he said, holding out his hand expectantly. Sonia fumbled through her purse and gave him their card. He thanked her sarcastically and walked out the door. She sat down heavily in a chair.

"I'll get him _fired-"_ she spat. "Talking to me like that- telling me what's best for my son-" 

She was fuming, and once again, it showed Eddie that she only cared about making him what she wanted him to be. He shook his head and looked pointedly up at the tiled ceiling. There were paintings of starfish and seahorses. He didn't like the emergency room. He never had. The wait was long and he hated getting his blood drawn. There were meetings and medicines and being without his mother during the meetings. Being without her with a medical professional had always been scary until today. Today it was like a breath of fresh air. He felt like he could finally tell the truth about what happened in his head that he usually tried to ignore. 

The psychiatrist, Ashely, hummed and clicked her pen. She looked nervous. She told Eddie what she thought should happen. Eddie listened, not sure if the feeling in his stomach was deflation or elation. All he could figure out that it felt like a chance. Not good, not bad, but a chance. A chance for some relief from himself and the thoughts in his head. 

"-I am a perfectly qualified mother and he doesn't know what he's talking-" 

He couldn't take it. "Mommy!" Eddie yelled. His mother stared at him, appalled. 

"Eddie-bear, don't yell at me, I'm only trying to help you-" 

Eddie threw his hands up. "No! You want me to be what you want me to be! But I'm not and you don't like that!" 

They stared at each other. Eddie was breathing heavily. Tears pricked his eyes once again as he asked, 

"Why can't you just love me for who I am?" 

His mother blinked. "Eddie, I do love you," she cooed. "You're just confused, is all." 

Eddie looked away from her. Typical. He bit back down the tears that had been threatening to fall for the past fifteen hours. He told her that he was gay over breakfast and she didn't talk to him for three hours. And then she burst into his room, grabbed his arm, dragged him to the car, and took him to the ER. The nurse that had stood up to Sonia Kaspbrak, the absolute legend himself, knocked on the frame of the door as he walked in. He held out a clipboard and pen to Sonia and she took it, glaring at him. He turned to Eddie. 

"Alright, the ambulance is on its way. It'll be here in maybe fifty minutes," he said kindly. 

Eddie smiled shakily. "Thank you." 

His smile was just as kind and warm and understanding as his voice. "Of course, Eddie. I'll be back to check in soon." 

Eddie muttered a thank you and adjusted himself so he was somewhat laying down. He was tired. It was 11:00 pm. He didn't realize he had dozed off until The Legend Himself gently shook him awake. 

"Hey, Eddie. The ambulance is here for you." 

Eddie rubbed his eye with the heel of his palm and groaned. He was so tired and the room was so bright. His mother's face was red with anger. He looked out the door and saw two women standing with a wheeled stretcher. One of them waved at him and he waved back slowly. The nurse held out a hand to help him get up. Not that he needed it, but he was ready to jump on any friendly physical contact he could. He took it and got out of bed, stumbling a little bit. He walked out into the hallway and his mother followed. 

"Hi, Eddie," one of them said. "I'm Suzie. This is Ann. I'm going to need you to hop right up on here." 

The other one, Ann, lowered it for him. He nodded groggily and pushed himself up, needing some help from Suzie. Ann pushed it back up and his head was taller than them. 

"Pardon my reach," Ann said. She reached over him and clipped what looked like seatbelts over him. He frowned. 

"It's just a precaution," Suzie said. "We do it for everyone." 

"M'kay," he grumbled. They started wheeling him through the hallway and he was surprised, pleasantly, he might add, that his mother wasn't talking their ears off, asking about credentials, and, 'Aren't you too young to be doing this? Do you even know what you're doing?' She didn't even say something along the lines of, 'Stop! You'll hurt him! He's fragile!' 

The doors to the ER parking lot opened and Eddie was hit with a blast of cold, Maine winter air that woke him up. He shivered as Suzie and Ann lowered the stretcher and boosted him up into the back of the ambulance. They had to help Sonia more than they had to help up Eddie. When she sat down on the bench sticking out fo the wall, the entire vehicle jolted unpleasantly. Ann got into the front and started the ambulance as Suzie came back and put a heart monitor on his finger and a wrap around his arm to measure his heart rate and blood pressure. 

"We'll be there in an hour or so," she said as she sat down opposite Sonia. 

They rode in silence and Eddie thought about how weird being in a vehicle and seeing everything from behind was. He was still thinking about that when he dozed off once again. 

He was awoken by the stopping of the ambulance. He looked through the windows and saw that it was snowing. Hard. He said nothing as they opened the doors and his mother got out. He continued to stay quiet as he was pulled out and pushed through the snow until an overhang saved him and he was taken through two pairs of automatic doors. 

Ann and Suzie checked in at the front. They then pushed him through some doors to his right and he was let off of the stretcher. Suzie and Ann said goodbye and left. Eddie and his mother, once again, were left in a room together with styrofoam cups filled with water. Eddie finished all of his and began ripping his cup into tiny pieces. It was then that he discovered if he dropped them on the table slowly, they sounded like a rainstick. 

Everything was a blur. He was so tired and all he wanted to do was sleep. But it took them an hour and a half to even get close to where a bed was. He was taken into his unit, Cypress A, and saw a large, spacious rectangular room with tables and chairs. Three-fourths of the way down, there was a counter that took up about half the floor space in the middle while leaving more way more than enough room to walk to the large window that showed a dark, snowy, courtyard. 

Eddie was taken into a room, given an identification bracelet, told that he was going to meet with his medical doctor on Monday, two days from then, or one, technically, and had to do some paperwork. After that, Eric, the nurse, took him to another room, leaving his mother behind. He didn't even say goodbye. He was taken into a room where they had to do a body check, which meant he had to get completely naked and they had to look at him. He was too tired and spent to even care. 

Eric led Eddie all the way down past the counter, where there was a TV, comfy-ish looking chairs, and a carpet. He stopped outside of the second to last door, where there was a sticky note that read, 

Richie T. 

"They'll be one with your name on it tomorrow," Eric said. Eddie nodded sleepily. "Your mom will be back with clothes tomorrow and we'll basically do everything we should be doing right now tomorrow because you look like you're about to pass out." 

Eddie nodded and Eric opened the door for him. He didn't even care that he had a roommate. He collapsed into the other empty bed and fell asleep. 

\---

Eddie woke up to a knock at the door and he opened his eyes. He didn't know where he was. He scrambled up, yelping. There was a groan to his right and he looked over in a panic. There was a head of dark, unruly curls on the pillow. The head turned toward him and Eddie saw his face. High cheekbones, full lips, freckles, and dark eyes. Not to mention the mop of black curls on his head. 

The boy, Richie, was as surprised to see him as Eddie was to even be there. He pushed himself backward, cursing loudly. He fell to the floor with a thump. 

"Richie," the girl who had knocked on the door said as she opened it, "no swearing." She laughed as she saw what happened. 

"Then someone _tell_ me when a cute boy is going to be in my room when I wake up!" Richie moaned dramatically from the floor. 

Eddie flushed and looked at the girl, who smiled. "Breakfast," she said. Eddie nodded numbly. The girl closed the door.

"So," Richie said from the floor. Eddie couldn't see him. He was on the other side of the bed. "What's your name, cutie?" 

"Eddie," Eddie said firmly. "And don't call me cute." 

"Ooh!" Richie said, strained, as he got up. "Eddie Spaghetti!" 

Eddie raised an eyebrow. "Are you kidding?" he asked. 

"What?" Richie laughed as he stood as his full height, which was much taller than Eddie, "Am I not allowed to give you cute nicknames?" 

Eddie got up too, but that didn't change his height much. "No!" 

Richie just laughed as he walked past Eddie. Eddie shivered as he brushed past his shoulder. He turned to watch Richie and was horrified at what he saw that he hadn't seen last night. There was a bathroom in their room, but it didn't have a door. It had a curtain and was just to the right of the door, meaning whoever looked through the window could see in easy. 

Richie closed the curtain behind him and Eddie heard him peeing. 

"How old are ya, Eds?" Richie asked cheerfully. 

"Don't call me Eds," Eddie protested. 

"Sure, Eds. How old are you?" Richie repeated in a sing-song manner. 

Eddie huffed. "16." 

Richie whistled. 

"What?" Eddie asked. 

"Nothin," Richie said nonchalantly. "I'm 17." He flushed the toilet and opened the curtain. He was now wearing glasses that magnified his eyes. It looked weird. "Come on," he said, walking past Eddie. "There are people you need to meet. Oh, Bev's gonna love you." 

"Hey!" Eddie yelped. Richie looked back at him, amused. "Aren't you going to wash your hands?" 

Richie looked down at his hands. "Why?" 

"Why?!" Eddie spluttered. "D-do you know how many germs there are on a human penis?" 

Richie grinned. "No, but why don't we double it?" 

Eddie held up his hand in front of his face. "Have you ever heard of, I don't know, a common fucking cold?" 

"Oh!" Richie pointed at him with his penis germ hands. "No swearing!" 

"What?" Eddie demanded. 

"No swearing unless you want to be put on peer boundaries." 

"What's peer boundaries?" Eddie asked, Richie's hands momentarily forgotten. 

"It's where you can't talk to anyone except the staff and have to be at least six feet away from everyone at all times." 

Eddie frowned. "That sounds horrible." 

Richie sighed wistfully. "Yeah, it is. Anyway!" he clapped. "Breakfast!" 

"No!" Eddie yelled as Richie opened the door. "Wash your hands!" 

Richie leaned dramatically against the doorframe and pressed his hand against his forehead. "The sacrifices I make to keep you happy, Eds!" 

Eddie gaped at him. "It's common decency," he said. 

Richie groaned but went to wash his hands. "Stan will love you," he said as he washed his hands. Eddie didn't comment that he didn't do it for twenty seconds because he also had to pee and didn't trust Richie to be in the same room with him while he did that. Richie stopped by the door and, as he wiped his hands on his pants, _the animal,_ asked, "You coming?" 

"Yeah," Eddie said, crossing his arms. "I just need to go to the bathroom." 

Richie shot finger guns at him and left the room, closing the door behind him. Eddie, as he peed, missed Richie yelling, 

"GUYS, I HAVE THE CUTEST ROOMMATE EVER," and the boy Eddie would soon know as Mike, gasped, 

"Oh my god, they were roommates."

When Eddie did get out of the bathroom and his room, he saw Richie, a redhead girl, a fat boy, and a dark-skinned boy sitting at a table together. There were two boys sitting at a table together, one with light brown curls, and the other with dark brown hair. There was another table four girls, but Eddie didn't have time to really look at them, because Richie's table and the table with two boys were waving him over. 

He walked over to them, feeling shaky. He had been so tired that he had forgotten that there would be other people there. He had to make friends. He had to try and fit in. When he got close enough, the boy with dark hair pulled out a chair for him and he was suddenly surrounded by six people, one of them angry (the light brown hair boy) about it. Eddie looked around in confusion as they T-posted around him. 

"Uh... hi?" he tried. He saw the staff smirking in the background and the other table look bored. 

Richie put his hands together like he was singing in a church choir. Eddie had no idea what the hell was going on. 

Richie started singing... the Halo theme. Eddie looked around. 

"What?" he asked. No one answered. He jumped a foot in the air when they all suddenly hit a chair or a table twice as hard as they could in unison. After that, they dissolved into giggles. "What?" Eddie asked again.

"Welcome," said the dark-skinned boy, "to Pine Rest." 

"You've been initiated," Richie declared. "Welcome to the Losers Club!" 

"If that's what it's called, I don't want to join," Eddie deadpanned at Richie, who snorted. 

"I like this one," the only girl said. "I'm Bev." 

"Mike." 

"Ben."

"Stan." 

"Bill." 

"Richie!"

"Yeah," Eddie said dryly as he sat down, "I know." 

"See?" Richie gushed to Bev, "He's cute!" 

"Hey," Eddie protested. 

"Come on, Eddie," Mike said. "The food's over there and it'll be gone soon." 

Eddie got up and walked with Mike to the food cart. 

"So, you're roommates with Richie?" Mike asked. 

"Yeah," Eddie nodded. 

Mike scoffed. "Good luck, man. Really." 

"Thanks." 

Eddie got a bowl of cocoa puffs and some milk. Mike informed him of a game of Uno they'd been playing since yesterday and offered to deal him in. Eddie accepted because Mike seemed nice, even after that 'initiation.' He wanted to be included and the Losers Club, no matter how stupid the name was, seemed fun and nice. Richie, he guessed, was nice enough, but he seemed like a hassle to try and keep up with. 

Eddie sat with Bill and Stan as they ate their breakfast, having a pleasant conversation about trees. When the dishes had been put away, Eddie followed in suit as everyone pushed their chairs to a table that none of them had been eating at. Eddie listened as they argued about who was sitting where and whose cards were whose. Eddie ended up between Stan and Mike and was dealt a good hand.

One wild card, one plus four, two greens, one blue, one yellow, and one red. 

"I see your red, Billiam," Richie said, "and I give you yellow." 

He slapped down a yellow three on top of Bill's red three. Mike kept it going.

"Richard," he said loudly, "I see your yellow and-"

"Quieter, please!" the girl who had woken them up called. 

"Sorry, Lexi," Mike said back before continuing in a quieter voice, "and I give you another yellow." 

It was Eddie's turn and Richie looked at him with wide eyes, which were fucking huge behind his glasses, begging him silently to keep the trend going. Eddie smiled to himself and held his card up in the air and, more dramatically than Richie or Mike, said, 

"Gentlemen, I see your yellows and I give you-!" He slapped his yellow down on the top of the pile. "A yellow!" 

Richie whooped and held up his hand for a high-five. 

"Wait, I thought we weren't allowed to touch," Eddie said. Richie turned to Bev. 

"Bev, show 'em." 

They both air high fived and Ben clapped as loud as he could, making it sound like they had actually high fived. Eddie laughed. Richie turned back to him excitedly and Eddie held up his arm. They air high fived and Ben clapped again. Eddie felt good when he picked up his cards and looked over at Stan, grinning. 

"I already went," Stan said, motioning to the now changed color. It was blue. They continued like this until Eddie set down his second to last card, making the color green. Up to this point, he had learned that there were unofficial teams. Mostly Bev and Ben and Stan and Bill. Mike would help Richie from time to time and one time slid Eddie the color that he needed. But they did not try and hide their strategy. 

"Whoa!" Richie said loudly, pointing at Eddie. "He only has one card left!" Only Bev, Richie, and Mike were between him and winning now. 

"Oh, shit!" Bev said quietly. "We need to get it off green!" 

Eddie suppressed his smirk as he placed his plus four face down on the table and covered it with his hand. 

"Mike, do you have a plus four?" Richie asked. Mike checked his cards. 

"Damn, I don't," he hissed. 

Richie held out a card to him and Mike took it. Even though Eddie knew he was going to win, he also knew that he had to make it look like that ruined his plan. And that was just straight up cheating, so. 

"Hey!" he protested. "That's not fair!" 

"Sorry, Eddie Spaghetti-O," Richie shrugged, looking at his cards. "We've been playing this game for a day and a half and I'm not letting you, who just showed up, win." 

Eddie discreetly flipped him off and Richie did the same. They smiled at each other as they did it, though. Bev laid down a green and Richie did the same. 

"Sorry, Eddie," Mike said as he set down the plus four. Eddie sighed in defeat. He made it look like he was reaching for the cards that he was being forced to take, but instead, he put down his plus four, saying, 

"It's fine," cheerfully. 

Richie slammed his hands down on the table. "OH MY GOD." 

Stan nodded. "Nice one, Eddie." 

"YOU LITTLE-" 

"Beep beep," Ben said. 

Richie fumed and pointed at Eddie furiously, though he wasn't really mad, as the rest of the Losers laughed and grumbled about such a long game. 

"How?" he demanded. "How did you do it?" 

"Luck of the draw," Eddie shrugged. 

"Bullshit," Richie laughed as he walked closer to Eddie, taking where Mike had been before he stepped aside to talk to Stan and Bill. Eddie leaned on the table and looked up at Richie, who was five inches taller than him. He smiled pleasantly. 

"It's not," he said. "It's a game of chance." 

"Ehh." 

They studied each other. They took in the small details that couldn't be seen from far away and subconsciously memorized each other's faces. Eddie felt a pang of guilt. He was being dirty. He was looking at another boy. He knew that he was gay, but he hadn't come to terms with it yet. He took his eyes off of Richie's face and made to look away, but he saw something in the pocket of Richie's sweatpants. 

"Guys!" he said loudly, getting the attention of the other Losers, "He has a card in his pocket!" 

Right away, Richie was swarmed by six people, asking questions and demanding that he take it out of his pocket and show them. 

"Oh my god!" he said, holding his hands up in surrender, "Okay!" 

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a red four. Everyone was silent for a moment and then Stan started laughing. 

"Why the red four?" he asked. 

Richie started laughing, too. "I don't know," he admitted. 

They all laughed for a moment until Lexi called, "Group!" 

Richie clapped. "That's my cue to leave!" 

"No," Stan said firmly. "You missed the last one. You're coming to this one." 

"Stan-" Richie began. 

"Richie." 

Stan stared Richie down and he gave in and walked with the group that Eddie was just following to the last door on the right; the door right next to his and Richie's room. There, a skinny old woman with white hair in a bob was waiting. She said good morning and unlocked the door and let them into an oval room with the same comfy-ish looking chairs pressed against the walls, all facing a stand-alone chair that the therapist sat down in. There was a large window and a window ledge. 

Richie and Bill ran to sit on the ledge and in the chaos of them pushing through everyone, Eddie fell into a chair right in front of the window. Richie was on the ledge right next to him. They were almost touching. Ben sat in the slightly bigger chair on his right and Mike sat on his left. The four other girls that Eddie didn't know came in. The Losers were on one side and the girls were on another. It was as though there were cliques. Cliques in a mental hospital. 

"Hello," the therapist said, "I'm Mrs. Kersh. First, we'll be going around and saying our names and something we're grateful for. For example, I'm Mrs. Kersh and I'm grateful for my children." 

She motioned for one of the girls to go first. She sighed. "I'm Ellie. I'm grateful for... I dunno. Food." 

Mrs. Kersh nodded and the next girl went. "Alyssa. I'm grateful for... my dog." 

And so on. 

"Savannah. I love my little brother." 

"Saige. I'm grateful for weed." 

Next was Ben. He was grateful for his mother. Then Bill, who was grateful for his little brother, Georgie. And then there was Richie. 

"I'm Richie, and I'm grateful for Thanksgiving," he deadpanned. Eddie turned his laugh into a cough. Richie noticed and grinned. Then it was Eddie's turn. 

"My name's Eddie. I'm grateful for... I..." What was he grateful for? His mother wasn't on that list anymore. He already knew all his medications were bullshit. All his friends left him after he came out. He didn't really have anything. His inhaler, maybe? "I'm grateful for my inhaler." 

Mike was grateful for his job at his farm. Bev, for cigarettes. Stan, for books. 

"Well, thank you all for sharing," Mrs. Kersh said. "Let's start with a question: what behaviors can you change about yourself to keep yourself safe?" 

"Well, I could stop being gay," Eddie said. And then he fought the urge to slap his hand over his mouth. What the hell did he just say? He'd never even told this many people that he was gay, let alone this many _strangers._

"Felt that," Richie said from above him. Eddie looked up at him, his eyes still wide from his own confession. "If I could stop being bi, that would help me not get beat up and stop hating myself so much." 

"And why do you hate yourself?" Mrs. Kersh asked. 

Richie scoffed. "Look at me. I mess up everything. I can't do anything right. I can't even stay alive right. I can't be _straight_ right." 

Eddie had never related to anything more and felt considerably closer to Riche. Mrs. Kersh moved on after Richie stopped talking. Eddie looked at Richie. He was shaking ever so slightly and his body was rigid. He was staring pointedly right over Bill's head. The closest part of him that Eddie could touch without being seen was Richie's ankle. He adjusted himself in his seat so that his knees would block the view of his hand tentatively reaching up and grasping Richie's ankle gently. Richie jumped and looked down at him with just a bit of red in his cheeks. Eddie looked away and made it look like he was focused on what Mrs. Kersh was saying, but all he could think about was how warm Richie felt through his sock. That was a weird thought, but that's what went through Eddie's head. He felt Richie relax bit by bit behind him. 

Mrs. Kersh circled back around to him. 

"So, Eddie, you said something about stopping being gay?" 

Eddie's grip on Richie's ankle tightened instinctively. 

"It's not like I can," Eddie spat defensively. "Would life be easier if I weren't? Yeah. But can I change it? No. So no-" Richie rested his arms between his legs casually and poked at Eddie's hand with a finger. Eddie let go right away, thinking Richie wanted him off, but instead, he linked his pinkie with Eddie's pointer finger. Eddie wrapped his fingers around Richie's ankle again and took a breath. "So no," he said again, "I can't change that behavior. I can't change that my mom made me think I was sick for the first thirteen years of my life and made me take hundreds of fake pills. I can't change that she thinks I'm sick, that being gay is a _sickness_ and she wanted to send me to _conversion therapy."_

Mrs. Kersh blinked. "Well, no, I suppose you can't," she agreed. "But what you can control is how you react to those actions."

"Really?" Eddie laughed painfully. "How am I supposed to react?" 

"Yeah," Mike said, "please, tell us what he should do." 

Mrs. Kersh looked a little lost. She didn't know what to do when teenagers were ganging up on her, asking valid questions. "Well, I suppose I don't know," she admitted. "Only you know your situation, so-" 

"Yeah," Eddie interrupted. "Only I know my situation, so save your bullshit advice for someone else." 

He was breathing heavily, glaring at her. Bev and Stan had proud smirks on their faces. Eddie felt a hand over his and didn't need to look at Richie to know that he was trying to comfort him. He also knew that Bill was fully aware of what was happening right in front of him and he didn't care. It was a strange feeling to have someone be completely okay with it, but it was a good feeling. 

It was good to know that somewhere in the world, there is acceptance and sometimes it could be found in strange places. 

\---

After that horrible group therapy came activity therapy, which was just nail painting, pearler beads, and crayons. Bev painted Richie's fingernails a light blue. Eddie watched as he helped Ben find green beads. Once Bev was done with Richie's nails, he swallowed. 

"Bev?" he said. 

She looked at him with her happy, bright blue eyes. "Yeah?" 

Shakily, he asked, "Would you paint my nails? Please?"

His voice cracked at his last word and Bev must've seen how difficult it was for him to ask for this. She smiled widely. 

"Sure! Pick your color!" 

She shooed Richie out of his spot so Eddie could sit there. He looked through the tub of colors. It smelled like chemicals. He poked around for a little bit, unsure of what to pick. Bev jumped in. 

"I think that pastel pink would match your skin tone." 

Eddie picked it up and considered it. It did look nice. But it was a bold choice. Was it worth it? Everyone here already knew he was gay and they were fine with it, so why not? He nodded and Bev got to work. 

By the time activity therapy was over, he had expertly painted pink nails. There was a half-hour of personal time before lunch. Richie and Eddie walked to their room, talking about nothing in particular until Eddie's name was called by a staff member. Both he and Richie turned around, right in front of their door. A tall, lanky man in a blue shirt walked over to them. 

"Hey, Eddie, I'm Xavier," he said. "Just real quick, we'll go over some rules and then you can get to personal time." 

Eddie looked at Richie, who winked at him before he walked into their rooms. Xavier led him to a big whiteboard two doors down. 

"So, no swearing, no touching, no inappropriate topics of conversation, and no fighting. If you do any of the extreme things or too many of the small things, you'll be put on peer boundaries, which is-" 

"Richie told me," Eddie said. "No talking, six feet away. Right?" 

"Yeah," Xavier said. "Your mom called." 

Eddie looked at him expectantly.

"Several times," he continued. Eddie nodded. That sounded more like his mother. "She's bringing your clothes during visiting hours, which is 4:00 to 5:30." 

"Okay," he said. "Can I go now?" 

"Sure," Xavier laughed. "Oh, and one more thing: the menu for the week is up by the desk, and if you see something you don't like, you can fill out a meal card, which will get you something else. But it has to be done in the morning, so it's too late for that now."

"Okay," Eddie said again. "Thanks." 

He walked away and sighed as he opened the door to his room. He closed it and stopped dead when he saw Richie lying on his own bed without a shirt on. 

"Where's your shirt?" he squawked. He definitely didn't stare at Richie's flat, pale stomach, broad chest, and the dark hairs disappearing beneath his sweatpants. He also definitely didn't think about tracing those hairs all the way down to where they lead with his fingertips. Not with his tongue. Absolutely not.

Richie lifted his head from his pillow, which tensed his abs. Eddie looked away quickly. His mouth felt dry. "In the laundry basket," Richie said. "What? Like what you see?" 

"No," Eddie said quickly, fidgeting with the scrubs that he was still wearing. Richie pouted. 

"Ouch," he said. 

Eddie ignored him and laid down on his bed, facing away from Richie. He closed his eyes, and for five minutes, while he tried to think about everything but Richie shirtless and flirting with him, everything was quiet. 

"Eddie?" Richie said quietly. Eddie opened his eyes. 

"Yeah?" he responded just as quietly. 

There was a pause. Eddie could feel the tension in the room and it was making him uneasy. Richie cleared his throat.

"Thanks," he whispered. "For what you did in group. Thank you." 

"Oh," Eddie breathed. "Yeah. Thanks for, uh... doing what you did." 

"Hey, could you turn over?" 

Eddie gulped and shifted in his bed. He looked at Richie, who was on his side, looking at him. They looked at each other like they had when Eddie won the Uno game, but this time, there was no distraction. There was no challenge. There was no one telling them that they had to go. It was just Eddie looking at Richie. Richie looking at Eddie. They were three feet apart, but it felt like they were closer than ever. In their own little bubble. Richie's eyes were gorgeous. His curls fell over his forehead, almost in his eyes. He needed a haircut. 

"Where do you go to school?" Richie murmured. 

"Derry High," Eddie answered. Both were quiet. The room felt warm and cozy. 

"No shit," Richie whispered. "Me, too. And Bev. Mike's around, but he's homeschooled. Why haven't I seen you before?" 

Eddie shrugged. "You're an upperclassman. Also, I keep to myself." 

Richie smiled. "Don't. You're really interesting." 

Eddie blushed. "Thanks." 

"Have you seen me?" Richie asked. "I'm pretty loud." 

Eddie thought about it. "Probably. I probably hated you." 

"Do you hate me now?" Richie asked, looking vulnerable. 

"No," Eddie said softly. Richie sighed in relief. He smiled at Eddie. 

"Cool. I don't hate you, either." 

Eddie snorted. "Thanks." 

Someone looked into their window. It was Lexi. She marked something down on a clipboard. Eddie looked at Richie questioningly. 

"They have to check in on us," he explained. "Last time I was here, my friend and I figured out the pattern: every twelve minutes." 

Eddie faltered. "Last time?" he repeated. 

Richie smiled sadly. "Yeah, this ain't my first rodeo, Eds." 

Eddie didn't even bother correcting the nickname. He nuzzled his pillow, trying to get more comfortable. "Why? What happened?" he asked. Wait, he couldn't ask that! Richie opened his mouth. "No, sorry, you don't have to answer that." 

"No, it's fine," Richie said. "I'm just... I hurt myself." 

Eddie hadn't missed the scars on Richie's wrists. 

"I hate myself," he finished. 

"Rich," Eddie whispered, "come on. You're... you're great." 

Richie snorted. "That's because you don't know me." 

"Actually," Eddie said, both of them still maintaining the soft, comforting level of their voices, afraid to break the moment, "I think I know you a little better than most people. We're at our worst here." 

Richie looked like he was thinking about it. He grinned crookedly, pain still in his eyes. "I guess you're right." 

The silence resumed. Hesitantly, Richie held his hand out to Eddie. Eddie turned off his brain, telling him that he didn't know where Richie's hands had been and how many germs and bacteria there were on other humans, and took Richie's hand. Richie gave him a little squeeze. They held hands until their arms grew tired and they let go. They continued looking at each other. Eddie caught himself dozing off a couple of times. He saw Richie smiling at him when he forced himself awake. Soon, Lexi knocked on the door. 

"Lunch," she said when she opened it. 

Eddie groggily pushed himself up and accepted Richie's hand to pull him up the rest of the way. He stood up too fast and had to use Richie as a rock to steady himself. Wordlessly, Richie pulled him into a hug, cupping the back of his head. His bare chest was warm. Eddie froze, scared that someone would come in, but he remembered that they had just been checked on and they were at the end of the row of rooms. He wrapped his arms around Richie and hugged him firmly. 

And then they let go. Richie grinned at him. 

"Thanks for the talk, Spaghetti Head!" 

He grabbed a shirt and ran out of the room before Eddie could hit him playfully or tell him off. Eddie followed him, laughing loudly, "Don't call me that!" 

Lunch was pizza and he found out that only four people could be at a table at a time when eating. He sat at a table with Bev, Ben, and Stan. Richie sat with Stan and Mike. The 'pizza' was horrible. 

"Yeah, this stuff is barely food," Stan said. "But you can get a sandwich basically whenever you want. You can go up there and ask for one now if you want." 

Eddie looked hastily at the woman behind the food cart. "When she's gone," he said. 

He did just that. When everyone was done eating, they all congregated at one table, loud and laughing. But Eddie was almost falling asleep against Bev. When it was time for group, he got up and stumbled. Bev caught him. 

"You don't have to go to group," she said. "You can go sleep."

"Really?" Eddie asked. 

"Yeah." Bev laughed lightly. "Go take a nap." 

Eddie nodded and walked to his room. As soon as he got under his covers, he fell asleep. 

\---

"Spaghetti Man!" Richie said loudly, bursting into their room and scaring Eddie out of a dream involving being one of the animatronics in FNAF 4, "It's visiting time! There's a hottie out there that's demanding to see you." 

"Hottie?" Eddie repeated, trying to get his bearings. 

"Your mom," Richie clarified, laying himself out on his bed and stretching. He moaned as he did it. Eddie wasn't going to survive this. 

"Hottie?" Eddie said again, becoming more awake and horrified at what Richie was saying. Richie looked over at his face and laughed. Eddie scrambled up and ran out the door. At the desk, talking loudly, was his mother. She was refusing to let the staff take his clothes and search them. 

"Mom," Eddie said loudly. She turned. Dropping his clothes, she came as fast as she could toward him. 

"Eddie! Oh, are you okay? Are they feeding you? Are you hurt? Eddie, sweetie, answer me!" 

Eddie hadn't moved the entire time she had been running to him. He was right in front of his door and the lounge area. She pulled him into a suffocating hug. Eddie looked over with the eye that wasn't being pressed into his mother and saw Bev, Ben, and Mike watching the situation with dully horrified looks on their faces. They were sitting on the strip of couches that lined the wavy wall that housed a small, fake garden. Bev was holding a ukulele, her fingers in the G minor position. Ben looked like he had been drumming. 

Eddie pushed his mother off and she continued bombarding him with questions. 

"Are they helping you? Are you still confused? Do you still think you're gay? Eddie-bear, we have to get you out of here as quick as we can! You're not sick like-" she shot a dirty look at Bev, Ben, and Mike, " _those_ people," she spat. 

Eddie saw Bev flip her off. Eddie felt something that he wasn't sure he'd ever felt before: protective. 

"Those people," Eddie said with just as much venom, "are my friends. And yes, I'm still gay. I'll continue to be gay. You can yell at me all you want, but you leave them out of this." 

His mother gaped at him. She looked around, at his friends and something behind Eddie, and then she turned around and stormed back to the desk. 

"You're poisoning him!" she screeched. Stan, Bill, and their families watched. "You're making him turn against me! He would never! You're changing him! Oh my Lord! You support that homosexual nonsense, don't you! You're all sinners! You're going to Hell!" 

As she kept screaming and the staff tried to calm her down, Eddie felt lightheaded. He'd never stood up to his mother before. He stumbled backward and ran into a warm body. 

"Whoa," Richie said. He helped Eddie to the couches. "Nice job." 

Eddie sat down heavily next to Ben. Ben looked around and saw that all the staff were occupied. He rubbed Eddie's back. 

"Thank you, Eddie," he said gently. "That was really brave." 

Eddie shook his head. He wasn't brave. He was stupid. 

"You are," Richie insisted. Eddie shook his head again. "You're braver than you think." 

Eddie burst out crying. All of his fear, all of his hatred, all of his frustration and anger, came pouring out of him. They let him cry for a little bit, comforting him but not touching him. Bill and Stan left their families to come over to him. When Eddie was able to breathe and see a little, he asked Bev for her ukulele. She handed it to him and he held it in his arms for a moment. Everyone watched him. He decided to play something simple. Something that made him happy. He played A minor. Down, up, down, up, down. G. Down, up, down, up, down. C. Down, up, down, up, down. 

"I was scared of dentists and the dark," he sang roughly. Mike, Bill, Stan, Ben, and Richie joined him. 

"I was scared of pretty girls and starting conversations." 

Bev laughed and said, " _Yes,_ Eddie!" 

They sang Riptide, sounding horrible as security dragged his mother away. After Eddie played his song, it was passed to Bev, who played Count On Me. Ben began drumming on the seats. 

A few hours later, 45 minutes before they had to go to sleep, they were watching Moana. Eddie laid with the other Losers on the ground. He felt good. 

Later, it was time for bed. Eddie brushed his teeth with his prescribed toothpaste and took a shower, trying not to squirm about how many other people had showered and probably jacked off in there. Hell, Richie was probably one of them. Eddie blushed as pushed that thought out of his head. 

Smelling nice and wearing his pajamas from home, he turned off the radio that was able to be controlled from their room and turned off the lights. He sat down in his bed. Even though he had taken a nap, he was still tired. He covered himself up and hummed quietly as he got warm.

"Night, Eds." 

Having had the two most emotionally draining days of his life, he was almost asleep already. He didn't even register the nickname. 

"Goodnight, Richie," he muttered, but he was pretty sure he drifted off mid-sentence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'tis a repost of a work i already did that i don't feel i did justice to.


	2. If You Remove The Floating Ribs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie meets with his medical doctor and gets put on what probably is the first real medicine of his life. The Losers Club sing and play (read: cheat at) Uno. They have unproductive group therapy but debate a VERY important topic. Eddie has an anxiety attack. Reddie has a moment. Richie's family comes to visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW
> 
> f word- not fuck
> 
> p word- not pussy

Eddie, like the day before, woke up to a knock at the door. A new person popped their head in. A middle-aged white woman.

"Good morning!" she said cheerfully as Eddie smothered his face into his pillow and heard Richie groaning. "Breakfast time!"

She closed the door behind her. Eddie moaned quietly as he pushed himself up. His back was sore from his bed. He needed a massage. He rubbed his face and looked over at Richie, who was burrowing further under his covers. Eddie walked the step and a half that it took to get to the bathroom and closed the curtain. He peed, washed his hands, and splashed water on his face. His stomach growled. He walked out and looked at Richie as he turned the light off. Light streamed through the closed blinds of their window that faced a snowy field.

"Are you coming?" he asked groggily.

"Hmmmmmmmph," Richie complained. "I'll eat at lunch."

"Absolutely not," Eddie said. He walked around to Richie's side and grabbed his arm, trying to pull his out of bed.

"No," Richie moaned, keeping his eyes firmly shut as he fought back against Eddie's pull.

"You have to eat breakfast," Eddie said firmly.

"Let me sleep," Richie begged. Eddie tugged at his arm pathetically.

"Come on, I can't pull you," he whined.

"But I can pull you!"

Richie grabbed Eddie's wrist and yanked him on top of him. Eddie exclaimed in surprise as he fell ungracefully on top of Richie. Before he could push him up, Richie was manhandling him so that Eddie was on his side. Richie threw his leg over Eddie's hip and tugged Eddie's face nearer to his chest.

"Richie!" Eddie spluttered, trying and failing to push him away. Richie's hold around his waist and shoulders tightened.

"But you're so warmmmm," Richie moaned. "Cuddle meeee."

"Richie, we can't be touching! What if someone sees?!"

Richie snorted, burying his nose in Eddie's clean hair, "Says the guy who was holding my ankle and hugging me yesterday."

Eddie continued to try and get away from Richie. It was another boy, this was wrong- "That was different," he protested.

Richie seemed like he answered out of common courtesy as Eddie stopped struggling as much, growing tired, feeling almost sick. "How was it different?" he asked.

"We were..." Eddie looked for the right words. "Emotionally distressed."

"I'm still emotionally distressed," Richie said right away. "Hold me."

"No!"

He wanted to, though. He really did. But A) they were in a mental hospital where they couldn't touch each other, B) he was pretty sure that Richie was just coming after him because he wanted someone to flirt with and C) NO. He couldn't- he was gay. He was gay. Eddie was gay, and- he... it still felt so _wrong._

And Richie probably was going to ignore Eddie at school after all of this. Pretend it didn't happen. The thought caused him such an adrenaline rush that he was finally able to push himself away from Richie.

He caught himself before he fell on his head.

"Eddie my love," Richie sang, "I love you so!"

Eddie ran out the door. To his horror, that was enough motivation for Richie to get out of bed to follow him, singing the lyrics loudly.

"How I've waited for you, you'll never know!"

"Help!" Eddie called to the other Losers, who were all sitting at tables, except for Bev, who was nowhere to be seen. Mike laughed at when he saw Eddie running toward them and Richie following slowly, singing mournfully at the top of his voice,

"Please, Eddie, don't make me wait too looOOOOOOOOOoong!"

"There's nothing to wait for!" Eddie protested, his cheeks red and hot.

"Quietly, please!" said one of the nurses.

"Eddie, please write me one line!"

"Okay!" Eddie yelled desperately. He grabbed a marker, opened it with his mouth, what was he thinking, and grabbed Richie's arm.

"No touching!" said a different voice.

Eddie didn't care. He wrote, in sloppy scrawl over Richie's scars on his left forearm, SHUT UP.

Richie looked at Eddie's words on his arms and laughed. He held up his arm for the others to see and they laughed, too.

"Don't do that again," warned Eric, who was back on staff for the day.

Breathlessly, Eddie walked shakily over to the food cart with Richie whistling happily behind him and saw what was supposed to be breakfast: bland, blocky oatmeal, underripe bananas, and cartoned milk. Eddie hid his wince and took what was given to him. Coming back to the table, he set his tray down at a free table but stood next to Stan, Bill, Ben, and Mike. Richie did the same when he came back and Eddie, along with everyone else, was horrified to see that Richie was planning on eating four bananas. Four. Underripe. Bananas.

"What is wrong with you?" Stan deadpanned as Richie deepthroated it in front of them. The back of Eddie's neck felt hot.

"What?" Richie joked. "Can't take as much as me?"

He peeled the banana 4/5 of the way down and easily put it down his throat. A big part of Eddie was concerned that it was going to break off and Richie was going to choke to death and part of him didn't really care at this point. 

"S-stop," Bill said. "You'll ch-choke."

Richie winked at Bill. "That's the point, Billy boy."

"P-please stop."

"Trashmouth, what are you doing?" Bev asked as she emerged from her room. There was only her name on a sticky note. She didn't have a roommate but had a wallmate, who was Ellie.

"Deepthroating," Ben said.

"No, stop, don't do that," said the nurse that woke them up.

"Kristen," Richie whined, "it's in my nature."

Kristen gave him a sad look. "Honey, it's not. It's not in anyone's nature to die choking on a banana."

"Monkeys," Mike said. Richie pointed at him and Eddie rolled his eyes as he set down the cursed oatmeal that he barely touched.

"Monkeys," Richie repeated. "We evolved from monkeys. It IS in my nature," he said grandly.

Kristen rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Just stop."

She walked away and Bev collapsed into an empty chair, groaning. Bill looked over at her.

"H-how's your w-withdrawal going?"

Bev, with her head down on the table, gave him a sarcastic thumbs-up. Mike asked her if she wanted any food. She looked at their trays, fake gagged, and went to get a peanut butter sandwich. They ate in silence, all of them extremely tired, and Eddie asked,

"How long have you guys been here?"

"Fourth day," Mike said.

"Fifth," Ben said.

"Eighth," Bev groaned. That made Eddie pause. The average stay was 5-7 days.

"Eighth," Richie echoed. They air high-fived and Ben dropped his spoon to clap for them.

"Third," Stan said, poking at the oatmeal.

"Second," Bill said. "I sh-showed up a f-few hours before y-you."

Eddie nodded. Everyone finished their food and sat around the empty table. Ben and Richie split the deck so they could shuffle them. Ben looked at Eddie.

"Do you know how to shuffle cards?"

"No," Eddie admitted.

"Well, here," Ben said, handing his card over to Eddie, "let me teach you."

"Oh, that's fine." Eddie tried to hand the cards back, but everyone at the table shook their heads.

"Everyone leaves here knowing how to shuffle," Mike said.

"And moonwalk," Stan piped up.

"Moonwalk?" Eddie asked.

Stan stood up and, to Eddie's complete and utter surprise and delight, did the moonwalk right there, in front of them. This got a round of loud applause and shushing from Ellie, Alyssa, Saige, and Savannah, who were drawing at a different table. They, naturally, ignored them.

Eddie promised Ben that he could teach him later and they started a game of Uno. He was sitting next to Richie. He didn't have the best cards ever. The color was red and he didn't have one. He was reaching for cards from the deck when Richie hit his thigh with his hand. Eddie glanced down in confusion and saw that Richie was handing him a card. A red seven.

Eddie had never cheated on a game before yesterday and he still felt bad about it. But he pulled his hand back and put his deck in his lap. He took the card from Richie stealthily and pretended to look through his deck. He then pulled out Richie's red seven and set it on top of the pile. The game proceeded as usual, with Bill and Mike laughing, Bev making the jokes, Ben looking at Bev with lovestruck eyes, and Stan having a small smile on his face.

None of them noticed that Eddie had just cheated. With Richie's help.

He looked over at Richie and suppressed a huge smile when Richie grinned and winked at him.

This continued until 9:00 when group therapy started. They piled into the room and sat in the same spots as yesterday, but Bill was kicked off the ledge and replaced by Bev.

"Hello," a new therapist said. "I'm Miss. Wong. Let's start with an ice breaker, shall we?"

"We all already know each other," Saige said.

"Okay," Miss. Wong said, looking at everyone else in the room. "Does anyone want to do an ice breaker?"

A loud chorus of nos filled the small space. Miss. Wong blinked.

"Okay, how are you all today?"

No one talked.

"I'm doing well."

Nothing. No one wanted to talk.

"Okay," Miss. Wong tried, "is there anything on anyone's mind?"

There was a pause and then Richie said something that made Eddie choke on air.

"Is it possible to eat your own ass?"

Bev laughed out loud, caught off guard. Stan covered his mouth with his hand. There was a light behind his eyes. Eddie, meanwhile, was coughing. Miss. Wong tried to recover the session.

"No, but that's not what I meant. What I meant was-"

"I don't know," Mike said, interrupting the therapist.

"Y-you have to r-remove the f-floating ribs," Bill said. Everyone turned and looked at him. Everyone but the therapist was enjoying this greatly.

"What are floating ribs?" Alyssa asked.

"Th-they're ribs that ar-arent c-c-connected to your o-other ribs," Bill explained. "So if y-you removed th-them-"

"You'd be able to eat your own ass!" Richie yelled happily.

"Why do you know that?" Stan asked Bill.

"Human Centipede this shit up!" Bev called.

"Wait," Mike said, leaning forward as if in deep thought, "if you eat your own ass, does it feel like you're eating ass or like you're getting your ass eaten?"

"This really isn't relevant-"

"Probably like you're getting your ass eaten," Stan said. "Because you'd be in between your own legs, which is uncomfortable at best, but if you're eating your own ass, that would take a lot of concentration to maintain that position."

Everyone nodded wisely. Then Eddie had a thought.

"Could you live solely off eating your own shit?" he wondered.

"I think that would just be high key dysentery," Bev said. "But what a way to go out."

"How much is a surgery to remove floating ribs?" Richie asked.

"A few thousand, I'm sure," Stan said.

"Please, kids-"

"Shit, I'll save my money," Richie said.

"This a-also m-means you can s-suck your own d-dick, too," Bill chimed in.

"Ah, yes," Eddie said wisely, internally dying at the thought of all the germs there would be, but having to get this quip in, "I can suck my own dick and finger myself at the same time. Finally."

"Ooh," Richie said happily from the window, "so you're a bottom!"

What the _fuck._

"Bev, you could eat yourself out," Mike laughed. Bev slapped her hand over her mouth and leaned her head back, trying to smother her laughter.

"Everyone, this is therapy-"

"This is very therapeutic," Richie said. "The assurance, that one day, I will be able to eat my own ass. My depression is cured."

While everyone was laughing, there was a knock on the door. It opened. It was Eric.

"Eddie," he said. Eddie looked up, red-faced and out of breath. "Doctor Caldwell's here to see you. Bev, Doctor King."

Bev and Eddie stood up, looking at each other and bursting into laughter. Miss. Wong looked flustered and embarrassed for being caught without control of the kids she was supposed to be helping. Bev grabbed Eddie's arm to keep herself upright as they walked out the door and closed it behind them, cutting off the sounds of laughter.

"No touching," Eric said firmly.

Both Eddie and Bev nodded, but they couldn't. Instead, they leaned against a wall and caught their breath, although they still dissolved into giggles when they looked at each other. All the laughing was hurting the kink in Eddie's back so much, but he couldn't stop. Eric was watching them, exasperated. It took a while for them to calm down. Eric made a big show of looking at his watch.

"You done?" he asked when they could breathe. The two on them nodded and he continued walking them to the front. There, two women, who had just watched them dissolve against a wall, were waiting for them.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Caldwell," the older one of the two said to Eddie. Bev walked away with the other doctor. She opened the door to the room where Eddie had left his mom behind in when he first arrived. There was a young woman already sitting there. Her nametag said Sarah.

"Hey," she said. "I'm your case manager. Have a seat."

Eddie did have a seat. The thrill and giddiness of what happened in the group room was wearing off, leaving only caution and a sore shoulder. He sat back and looked at them.

"How are you?" Dr. Caldwell asked. Eddie shrugged and regretted it. It hurt his shoulder. "Any thoughts of hurting yourself?" she asked. Eddie shook his head. "And, on a scale of one to ten, how's your anxiety?"

Eddie thought about it. "Eight," he said.

The doctor nodded and wrote something down. She asked him more questions, about his depression and suicidal thoughts, about how he said that his mother made him think he was sick for the first thirteen years of his life and if he had ever considered running away. Yes, he had.

"Okay," she said finally, putting down her pen, "I think we're going to get you started on 20 milligrams of Lexapro."

Eddie couldn't breathe.

"Why?" he asked.

"Have you never been diagnosed?" she asked. Sarah was just watching and taking notes.

"With what?" Eddie was terrified.

"Eddie," she said gently, "you have generalized anxiety and a minor depressive disorder."

"How? I don't- I don't have anxiety!"

She put her clipboard on the table and looked at him. "Have you ever felt like you couldn't breathe? Like everything's moving too fast and your eyes can focus on anything? You're breathing fast and you feel like you're about to be attacked?"

Eddie couldn't breathe. "Th-that's just my asthma," he croaked. Doctor Caldwell pursed her lips.

"No, Eddie, that's an anxiety attack."

Everything looked like it was coming toward him but getting further away.

"Eddie, are you okay?"

Eddie looked up at Sarah with wide eyes.

"Can I please leave?"

"Are you going to hurt yourself? Are you safe?"

Eddie nodded frantically; anything to get him out of that room.

"Please, can I go?"

The doctor nodded and Eddie was pushing open the door before he even realized that he had gotten up. He stumbled through the maze of circular tables and past the TV lounge. He violently opened the door to his room and slammed it shut behind him. He slid down the door, clutching the sides of his head with tears in his eyes. Everything he thought he knew was a lie. He knew his mom had made him think he was sick, but because he needed his inhaler so much, he thought that it was real. What was real? How was he supposed to know what was real?

"Eddie! Eds, look at me!"

Richie.

Why was Richie there?

He looked up and saw Richie's scared face right in front of his own.

"Eddie, you're okay," he was saying, "everything's going to be okay-"

"Inhaler," he gasped, tears leaking from his eyes because he knew that it wasn't real, that the medicine in his inhaler wasn't real, "I need my inhaler."

"Eddie, I don't know where that is-"

"Please!" Eddie begged.

He felt himself being moved from leaning against the door to be leaning against a wall and Richie opened the door. He dimly heard Richie yelling,

"Help! Eddie needs his inhaler! He's having an anxiety attack!"

Eddie didn't have a concept of time. He couldn't breathe, he was drowning, he couldn't see, but he did feel something that felt too good and familiar, although it was all fake, being pressed into his hand. He brought his inhaler to his mouth and inhaled the fake medicine into his lungs. He calmed down just a little bit and took another hit. He could breathe. His head lolled and he breathed heavily, trying to stop crying.

"Are you okay?" came a female voice. Kristen. He nodded.

"Please leave," he croaked. "I'm not going to hurt myself, just please leave."

Slowly, the staff, he didn't know how many there were in the room, filed out. Eddie saw Richie leaving and tried to grab at the fabric of his sweatpants. Richie must've gotten the message because the door closed and Richie sat down next to him.

"What happened?" he asked gently.

Eddie gulped. "I have anxiety."

Richie was quiet. "Okay... that's news to you?"

Eddie shook his head and covered his eyes with his hand. "I thought it was asthma." He took a breath. "I thought it was asthma. I didn't think there was anything wrong with me."

"There isn't," Richie said. "There is nothing wrong with you, Eddie. There's something wrong with the chemical imbalance in your brain, and that changes the way you think, but there's nothing wrong with you."

"But it's my brain," he sobbed.

"Yeah, it's yours, but you have no control over those chemicals. Eddie, there is nothing wrong with you." Richie sounded so sure and earnest that Eddie almost believed him. He looked up at Richie's magnified eyes. They looked so sincere and loving that Eddie let his head fall onto Richie's shoulder.

He didn't cry. He let Richie wrap him up and make him warm. Richie played with the short hair at the back of his head. After a few minutes, Richie pulled away and pressed a gentle but firm kiss to Eddie's forehead.

"Come on, Eds," he murmured. "Let's go to group."

Eddie let Richie pull him up, too emotionally spent to really process that Richie had just kissed his forehead. "Wait," he said quietly, "aren't we supposed to be in group therapy?"

Richie grinned. "Yeah, but we broke the therapist. She cut it short."

Eddie laughed shakily. "With the ass thing?"

"With the ass thing," he confirmed. He reached over Eddie's shoulder and opened the door.

"Hey, Rich?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't call me Eds."

Richie laughed.

"Okay, Eds."

\---

"What we're going to do," said that activity therapist, Aza, "is- well, do you see these balls?"

"There are..." Eddie watched Richie counted the number of boys in the room. "Twelve balls in this room."

"Ha ha," she said. "No, I mean these." She pulled out four balls and set them on the table. "Everyone get up and spread around the room."

They did as they were told.

"Now, I'm going to toss this ball to Savannah," Aza said, "and she's going to toss it to whoever she wants while saying their name. Then, that person will throw it to whoever they want, someone who isn't the person who threw it to them, and so on. Memorize who you get it from and who you give it to."

It went from Savannah to Alyssa, then to Stan, then to Bill, Ellie, Saige, Eddie, Bev, Ben, Richie, and then to Mike, who threw it back to Savannah. They did that a couple more times and then added another ball. And one more. And then the last one.

Eddie was so tired, trying so hard to keep up, yelling Bev's name four times as he was receiving and throwing the four balls that came at him one after another.

"Okay, let's see if we can do it in thirty seconds without messing up!"

They did.

Then it was down to twenty seconds, which they did.

And then fifteen.

Ellie messed them up. And then Mike did. And then Richie. Eddie never did and he would be forever proud of himself for that. There was so much screaming and the energy and tension in the room were so high that Eddie was having the time of his life. The kink in his shoulder was still killing him.

By the end of it, they didn't manage to get fifteen seconds. Their closest was 16.78.

After, they had thirty minutes of personal time before lunch and Richie was going to take a shower. He came into the room with towels and shampoo and conditioner and body wash in little paper cups. He sang a stupid song as he set up his ideal shower situation, making Eddie laugh, which made his shoulder hurt. He couldn't take it anymore.

"Rich?"

"Yessir?"

"Could you come here, please?"

Richie opened the curtain and wasn't wearing a shirt. Eddie ignored that as he reached over his own shoulder and touched the spot that was hurting him.

"Right there is really hurting me. Could you massage it? Please?"

Eddie looked back at Richie and saw him staring at him with wide eyes and an open mouth. His jaw snapped shut.

"Yeah," he said quickly, walking over to him. He put his large hands on Eddie's shoulders and Eddie tried not to shiver. Richie looked at the clock. "We've got four minutes until they check on us," he said.

Eddie nodded. "Okay."

Richie's thumb pressed down just above where Eddie needed it, but it hurt so bad that Eddie whimpered. "Down a little," he whispered tightly. Richie did as he was told and pressed the pad of his thumb right on the knot. Eddie yelped and pulled away on instinct. Richie didn't let him go, though.

"Fuck," he said breathlessly.

"Just breathe," Richie responded hoarsely. "Relax."

Eddie nodded, rolling his neck from side to side as his muscles relaxed. Richie started rubbing on his other shoulder and Eddie hummed softly. The knot was almost gone, but not quite. "Press down harder," he whispered.

Richie pressed down, hard, on the knot and moved his thumb around in little circles. Eddie sighed, trying to untense his shoulders. This continued for a couple more minutes. 

"I think I'm good. Thanks," Eddie said to him. A quick, hummed acknowledgment was all he got back before Richie disappeared into the bathroom and turned on the shower. A moment later, Kristen looked in and marked them down. Eddie rolled his shoulders back, loving the fact that he could move again.

He heard Richie turn on the shower and step under it. He leaned back, finally not in pain, and sighed. Today had was hard. The only thing he wanted was to sleep it away. So he closed his eyes and fell asleep quickly. 

Next thing he knew, he was being shaken awake by Richie. "Well, I'm happy you were asleep because it gave me a chance to jerk off." 

"That's fucking gross," Eddie groaned, turned over.

"It's not!" Richie walked out without a shirt on. Eddie let himself look until Richie noticed and struck a dumb pose and Eddie smiled. "Sex," he said dramatically, "is a part of life! I mean, except if you're Stanley, then you are a god."

Eddie frowned. "What does that mean?"

"Oh, it means that Stan's asexual."

Eddie blinked. "Oh."

Richie threw on a shirt maroon t-shirt that said in a white, fancy font, Enjoy Goulash. Eddie laughed at that and Richie looked down at his shirt and pulled it off.

"No, I liked that one," Eddie whined. Next thing he knew, the shirt hit him in the face.

"Wear it," Richie said.

"What?"

"Wear it. It'll be cute!"

"Absolutely not."

"Please?" Richie begged. "For me?"

Uh... "Fine." 

His head poked out and he put his arms through the sleeves. He looked at Richie with raised eyebrows. The sleeves almost reached his elbows and he was sure it would look like a short dress on him. Richie covered his mouth his hands and a squeal slowly started to build up. Eddie stared at him expectantly. 

"You are adorable." 

Eddie looked down. "No, I'm not." 

"You are, though. Swear on my mother's bitchy personality." 

Eddie smiled. 

"It's crazy, man," Richie said wistfully. "I feel like I've known you my whole life. Like, I should spill all my secrets right here, right now."

"You don't have to do that," Eddie promised.

"Eddie," Richie said seriously, "I'm going to tell you something. I've only told a few people and I need you not to freak out."

Eddie's heart stopped for a moment as he considered the possibilities. Cancer, AIDS, herpes, a genetic mutation, he'd killed someone, he was dying; Eddie had no idea. He gripped his pillow tightly and, out of the corner of his eye, saw Kristen look in at them and walk away.

"What?" he whispered.

Richie closed his eyes and took a breath. When he opened his eyes, he said, "I'm bisexual."

Eddie stared at him. "I hate you."

"I know, it's hard to believe."

"I thought you were dying or something."

"Yes," Richie moaned, "I'm dying. I want both dick and pussy!"

Eddie nodded. Of course, Richie didn't care if it was him or someone else. And did he even want to kiss Richie? 

"But right now," Richie continued, "I just want dick."

He winked at him and Eddie tried for a smile. Richie held out his arms.

"Come 'ere!"

Eddie stared at him. "No," he said after a second.

"You hesitated." 

"I'm disgusted," Eddie deadpanned. He could tell from the light behind Richie's eyes that he had picked up on Eddie's sarcasm.

Richie pouted and Eddie got out of bed.

"Come on," he said. Richie bounded out of bed and tried to put his arm around Eddie. Eddie pushed him off. 

"What's wrong?" Richie asked. 

Eddie swallowed. "Nothing."

He walked out of their room, leaving Richie to follow and joined Stan and Bill, who were playing war, at a table. Richie wasn't that far behind. Both Stan and Bill eyed Eddie's shirt and smirked. "So," Stan started, "how was your personal time?"

He looked down at his shirt, remembering that he was wearing Richie's shirt. "Oh, crap. No, it's not what it looks like-" 

"Doesn't he look adorable?" Richie cooed. 

"Yes, he does," Stan grinned. 

"V-very cute." 

"I hate you all." He looked at the Uno cards on the table. "Will you teach me how to shuffle?"

Throughout lunch, Richie and Ben taught Eddie how to shuffle. He could almost do a bad bridge.

"What worked for me," Mike said, "was I just closed my eyes and really felt the deck."

"Yeah, Eddie," Bev said, pointing at him with a fork, "you just gotta get in touch with your inner deck of cards."

Eddie snorted. "Great advice, thanks."

He meant it sarcastically, but he did try it. And it worked. They all yelled when it worked and made Eddie promise to dress up as a deck of cards for Halloween. After lunch was structured activity until 2:00. The staff didn't really have anything planned, so the Losers played Uno. Richie made sure that he was sitting next to Eddie but facing toward the desk, where the staff were.

The cards were shuffled (by Eddie, proudly), and dealt. The game started with a beaten-up yellow skip, which Richie and Bev complained, for some reason, that that one card started almost every game they played. But then Bill held up another yellow skip that looked the same and it was revealed that there were two of them. Richie poked at Eddie's leg like he did when he handed Eddie the card, but Eddie saw that there was no card in his hand. He looked at Richie quizzically. Richie nodded encouragingly. So Eddie reached down.

Richie intertwined their fingers and Eddie felt like he might spontaneously combust. He pulled his hand away quickly, his thoughts racing, his face red. 

Richie was called away by a doctor a moment later. It was revealed to him that Bev was leaving in two days. Mike was leaving tomorrow. That's when it hit Eddie:

This wasn't like a summer camp. They weren't allowed to make lifelong friends here. They weren't even allowed to share information. Although it was promised that they would all share phone numbers, Instagrams, and Snapchats, it still made Eddie sad. It was most likely going to be him and Bill left here when everyone left. They would be the only two remaining members of the Loser's Club in the end.

Richie came back. He announced he was leaving in three days.

Then Ben was taken away. When he came back, he said he was leaving tomorrow, too.

It hit Eddie way harder than it should have. He was going through this experience with these people and they were just... leaving.

When structured activity was over, they were walking past the whiteboard to go to activity therapy (again, it was annoying), and saw that there was a new kid coming. His name was Miles. When Kristin was asked about it, she said that he'd be there in a few hours.

In activity therapy, they played Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? and who wasn't with them were complaining because Stan, Mike, Bill, Ben, and Eddie were all on one team. Richie and Bev had been moved to play with Ellie, Saige, Savannah, and Alyssa.

Eddie's team won.

After activity therapy got over at 3:30, there was a snack and free (as free as they could be) time for half an hour and then an hour of personal time. Eddie almost stayed out of his room because he was worried about Richie and how much Eddie was starting to like him and what he would do.

But he went in anyway.

"I'm sorry for pulling away," he muttered when he sat down on his bed. Richie shrugged. 

"It's fine." 

"Richie-" 

"It's okay." 

Richie laid down and closed his eyes. 

After personal time was over, the Losers gathered around two tables and ate (or not) dinner, which was bad chicken nuggets. At 5:30, visitors started coming. Eddie knew that his mother probably wasn't allowed to come again.

Deep down, he felt bad that he felt so goddamn relieved. One by one, everyone's parents came. Eddie sat alone on the couch near the fake garden and strummed on Bev's ukulele, reading off the sheet music she had printed out. The hour was almost up and Eddie was getting the hang of Meteor Shower by Cavetown when a strong, scary voice yelled,

"You are my son and you will stop saying all that faggoty nonsense! You're doing this all for attention and it's pathetic! Man up, you fucking poof!"

Eddie set down the ukulele and saw a man storm out, quite literally dragging his wife by the wrist. They were Richie's parents. Eddie watched Richie shakily get up and walk toward him or the room, Eddie didn't know. But Richie sat down on the couch next to Eddie's (Bev's) papers.

"Will you play for me?" Richie's voice was shaking his voice broke as he said, "Please?"

Eddie sat down quickly. "Of course, Rich."

Richie smiled through his trembling chin and tears. "I like it when you call me that."

Eddie wanted to hug him, to tell him that it would be okay. If he could even reach and touch Richie's hand, that would be good. Instead, he played C. Then G, then A minor, then F.

"Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it."

Richie smiled wider.

"Tried to be cool, but you're so hot that I melted. I fell right through the cracks and I'm trying to get back."

Eddie sang all of I'm Yours to Richie, whose crying moved from quiet sobs to silent, steady tears, rolling down his face. When Eddie was finished, so was visiting time. Their friends started making their way over to them.

"I really like you," Richie breathed. Eddie froze. "I want to kiss you." 

"Rich, we've known each other for like, two days," he tried, but Richie's words really threw him for a fucking loop.

"I don't care," Richie said as they approached, "I don't care."

Bev sat down first and made grabby hands for the ukulele. Eddie handed it over and looked away from Richie. He felt hot, but not in a good way. This felt like an oncoming asthma attack. No... an anxiety attack. He stood up abruptly and walked to the front desk, becoming more and more scared by the second.

"Can I have my inhaler, please?" he asked, panicked. The woman behind the desk looked up and looked worried.

"What's wrong?"

"Can I please just have my inhaler, please?"

The woman handed over his inhaler and he took a hit. He started to calm down. He took another hit, just in case. He started to hand it back but changed his mind.

"Can I keep this? I'll give it back before I go to bed, but I need this right now."

The woman frowned. "Why?"

"Because of my asthma!"

Eddie felt a little lightheaded. The woman nodded and took another hit as he turned around. He knew it was fake. He knew it but couldn't bring himself to accept it. The Losers, except Richie, were singing Soul Sister. Eddie didn't look at him as he sat down.

"Eddie-"

"Please-" he turned to Richie and watched as he was taken aback at the panic on Eddie's face, "stop."

Richie nodded and looked forward. He started singing after a while, but it was half-hearted. Three hours later, when they were eating cookies and watching Road to El Dorado, Eddie still hadn't let go of his inhaler or talked to Richie.

When it was time for bed, Eddie took his first white pill of Lexapro. He gave back the inhaler and walked back to their room. Richie tried to talk to him again.

"Richie, please," he said. "I can't, not right now. Tomorrow."

Richie looked so scared but Eddie couldn't talk about this right now. He turned on his side, away from Richie, and closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the eating your own ass thing actually happened  
> the therapist tried to stop us for thirty minutes but couldn't  
> she finally cut therapy 45 early when i asked if you can live solely on eating your own shit
> 
> i broke the therapist
> 
> i also stole both of those yellow skips and they are now on my wall
> 
> are you proud of me


	3. Headshot!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i dunno

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW 
> 
> EXTREME SELF HATRED LIKE REAAAAAALLLLL BAD
> 
> ENDS AFTER LIKE A FOURTH OF THE WAY THRU

While the clock on the wall illuminated the room with a green light that made it harder for Eddie to fall asleep, he was grateful when he woke up when it was still dark out and the clock showed that it was 2:33 in the morning. He wasn't sure why he woke up. He had to pee, so he got up. But he looked over at Richie's bed and saw that it was empty. The door was open, too. 

Frowning, Eddie craned his neck and saw two figures sitting on the couches next to the garden. One was sitting on the back of the couch and the other was sitting on the cushion. When his eyes adjusted to the semi-darkness, he saw that the figure that was sitting at the top of the couch was Richie. His head was in his hands and his shoulders were shaking. The other person was a staff member. Lexi. 

"If you could just tell me-" 

"I can't tell you," Richie hissed. "I can't tell you!" 

"Richie, whatever it is, it's hurting you, so why don't you talk about it?" 

"Because!" 

Eddie felt bad for eavesdropping and was about to leave, but heard, 

"I ruin everything, Lexi. Fucking everything. Every good thing in my goddamn life, I fucking murder it."

Lexi looked sadly at Richie and Eddie felt like there was something gripping his heart. 

"Why do you think that?" 

Richie laughed sourly but it turned into a broken sob. He wrapped his arms around himself and rocked back and forth softly. 

"Connor," he sobbed. 

"Who's Connor?" Lexi asked gently. 

Richie shook his head senselessly, inhaling sharply and letting it out in shaky, short breaths. "The first guy I liked," Richie gasped out. "He- we- I- all my friends, I just- take things too far. I say the worst fucking things at the worst fucking times and I ruin so many relationships. And it hurts." 

Lexi nodded. "It does. And I'm sorry that it happens, but it does. Chances are it wasn't because of you, Richie, it was other things, too." 

Richie laughed out loud. It was short and pierced the air and Eddie's ears. It was too loud and hurt. All of that self-hatred in Richie... how could he not see how perfect he was? 

"It's always me," he said. "Everything, it's always my fault. That's what they say. And you know why they say that?" 

"Richie-" 

"It's because it's true. I can't do anything right. I can't be happy, I can't be _normal_ , I can't be _straight_ , I can't have a _normal fucking life._ Everyone leaves me. I honestly don't know why I'm fucking surprised."

"Normal is overrated," Lexi whispered comfortingly. Richie ignored her.

"And I just fucked up something that could have been the best thing in my _life-"_

Richie cut himself off with a sob. Eddie watched helplessly as Richie caved in on himself, heaving and shaking. Eddie heard him say things along the lines of, _I hate myself, why didn't I kill myself when I had the chance, why can't I just fucking die, please just let me die._

Eddie had tunnel vision on Richie, wanting more than anything to go to him. He was pretty sure that Richie was talking about him. He was convinced that he messed things up with Eddie. And because Eddie didn't talk to him... Eddie was the reason that this was happening? How long had Richie sat in bed, crying, beating himself up, before he got help? How long had he been talking to Lexi? 

Another staff member, someone Eddie didn't know, came over with a paper cup of water. She handed it to Richie along with what was probably a pill. Richie took it and drank all of the water. Eddie's hand slapped over his mouth when he saw bandages on Richie's arm. Tears sprang to his eyes. Richie handed the cup back to the guy and she walked away. The sound of his crying diminished, but he was still clearly crying. Eddie just wanted him to come back into their room so he could talk to Richie and tell him that he was sorry, that Richie surprised him and he was processing. 

A different staff member, someone that looked like Xavier, was checking in on a room that, six hours ago, hadn't been filled. Eddie scrambled up and got into bed as Xavier walked across the way to Eddie and Richie's room. He tried to level his breathing, which was difficult because he was crying. He knew Xavier checked in on him because the door closed. Eddie ripped off his covers and ran to the door, looking through the rectangular window. 

"Come on, Richie," he begged, wishing that Richie would hear him, "please come back. Come back." 

He watched Richie and Lexi for what felt like forever but was really just three minutes. Lexi put her hand on Richie's arm and said something. Richie nodded and Lexi helped him get up. They started to turn toward the room and Eddie dived back into bed. The door opened and he heard Richie step in. 

"Goodnight, Richie," Lexi whispered. 

"Night," Richie responded. His voice was so raw and vulnerable. Eddie forced himself to wait until the door closed and then some before he bolted up, scaring Richie, who was still crying quietly. He jumped at Eddie's sudden movement and Eddie's heart broke as he watched Richie's face crumple. "I'm so sorry, Eddie, I'm so sorry I fucked everything up... please forgive me, _please."_

Eddie ran and pulled this mess of a roommate into him. With his hand on his neck and back, Eddie held him close as Richie hugged him tightly and sobbed into his shoulder. 

"I'm sorry," he whimpered, "I'm so sorry."

"Richie," Eddie said desperately, "no. You just caught me off guard. You didn't mess up anything, I promise, everything is okay."

Richie fell to the floor and Eddie, albeit clumsily, fell with him. He went limp in Eddie's arms. 

"I'm sorry," Richie said again hoarsely.

Eddie shook his head and kissed Richie's cheek. Eddie pushed him back by his shoulders and looked at the broken shell of a boy in front of him. He looked so much younger. Like a young boy. So scared of what was coming and looked as though he had accepted the worst. And he was looking at Eddie as though he had lost him. But Eddie was right in front of him. Why couldn't he see that? 

"I'm here," he promised, "I'm here and I'm not leaving. I'm not going anywhere." 

Richie sobbed dryly. 

"I know you don't believe me," Eddie said shakily, wiping the tears from Richie's face, "but I promise, I'm not leaving, Rich." 

Richie shook his head, in awe or just straight up not believing him. Eddie took Richie's left hand in his and held it up. He noticed that there was a bandage on his other arm, too. But one thing at a time. He intertwined their fingers and they sat together in silence. Eddie had no idea what to say. 

His voice cracked as he whispered, "Xavier's coming soon."

Eddie scootched backward and looked at Richie fully. He looked deflated and exhausted. There were a few stray tears falling every few seconds, but other than that, he seemed to have calmed down. More like he tired himself out, but hopefully things would be better once he got some sleep. Xavier looked through the window, shining a flashlight at the ceiling. Both Richie and Eddie waved at him and he waved back. 

And then he left. 

Eddie and Richie sat in silence. 

"Rich, you should get some sleep. What was that pill they gave you?" 

"Fast-acting anxiety thing," Richie sighed. "They said it'd make me drowsy." 

Eddie nodded and got up. He held his hand out to Richie to help him get up and Richie took it. It took a lot more effort to get him up than Eddie would have thought, but it was fine. Once he was up, he looked down at Eddie. 

"Eds... are we good?" 

There was so much pain and hope in his voice. Eddie couldn't have said no even if he wanted to. He nodded.

"Of course, Richie. We're good." 

Richie breathed out what was probably an involuntary, "Oh, thank god," as he fell back on his bed. Eddie smile and tried to get back into his own bed, but Richie asked, "Will you cuddle with me? Just for a little bit? Please?" 

Eddie's face felt hot. He couldn't say no. He didn't want to, either. So he said, "Yeah." 

He climbed into the twin-sized bed, unsure of what he was supposed to do with his body. Richie inhaled shakily. 

"I'm sorry I said I wanted to kiss you," he whispered. 

"It's okay," Eddie whispered back. "It's just a little fast. It caught me off guard. I'm sorry that I didn't just tell you..." his throat burned. "I'm sorry that I made you _hurt_ yourself."

Richie pulled him in closer, shushing him. Eddie's lower lip trembled. They held each other tightly and fell asleep. 

\---

"Eddie. Richie." 

Eddie woke up warm and comfortable. And then he remembered why he felt so good. He scrambled up and saw Xavier standing in the doorway with the clipboard. He knew it was too late. They had been caught. Richie was barely awake and Eddie hit him. 

"Mmm... Wazzup?" Richie mumbled. 

"Look, I know what happened last night." 

Eddie's eyes widened. Oh, shit. 

"And I know that Richie was having a rough time," Xavier continued, "and you were comforting him. So I'm letting this slide just this once. I'm leaving now, so Eddie, get in your own bed. Don't let me catch you two touching again." 

Eddie nodded quickly and Richie seemed as though he was completely out of it. Eddie got up and got in his own bed. Xavier gave them a stern look and closed the door. It was 7:38. 

"Eds?" Richie grumbled. 

"Go back to sleep, Rich," he said. "I'll get you up for group and you can get a sandwich. Just... just sleep, okay?" 

Richie was already asleep and Eddie let out a breath. It didn't quite help the tightness in his chest, but everything was okay. Everything was okay for now. He could relax. He went to the bathroom and washed his hands. He also needed to shower, but he'd do that later. For now, he placed his hands on either side of the sink and looked at his slightly warped reflection. 

Everything was fine. 

He splashed cold water on his face. Everything was fine. 

He went out into the common area. He shuffled cards for fifteen minutes. And then, one by one, people started coming out of their rooms. There was the new boy, Miles, and another boy, Sam. Eddie was too tired to welcome them and it looked as if everyone else was, too. Bev looked like she was about to fall asleep sitting up and Ben and Bill were still in their rooms, sleeping. So Mike, Eddie, Bev, and Stan ate breakfast together. 

"Where's Richie?" Stan wondered. 

"Sleeping," Eddie replied. 

"Really?" Mike said. "He'd do anything for food." 

Eddie wanted to say something that alluded to the fact that Richie had had a breakdown last night, but didn't. They ate in silence. Bev followed Eddie when he got up to put his tray away. 

"I saw him last night," she said. Eddie looked at her. "I woke up because I forgot to put in a tampon. He was crying. Like, hard. So don't expect him to be up for a minute." 

Eddie pursed his lips. "I know," he said. "I was awake, too." 

Bev smiled at him sadly because she knew. It didn't matter if anyone had told her, she knew. Eddie felt the feeling that he was getting all too familiar with: a burning in his eyes and throat. 

"Honey, let's go somewhere else." 

He let her lead him near the phones and the activity therapy door. She slid down the wall next to the room where they forced him to get naked and he sat beside her. He finally sobbed into his hand. He had been trying to be strong for Richie. 

"He fucking hurt himself, Bev." 

"What?" Eddie looked at her and found white skin and wide eyes. "How? Is he okay? Why? Eddie, what happened yesterday?" 

Eddie shrugged. "I don't know how. But both of his like, forearms are wrapped up. I heard him, he was saying-" 

"Eddie," Bev cut him off, "that's his thing to tell. I'm fucking worried about him, but that's his story. He'll tell me if he wants to. I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry."

Covering his face with his hands, he nodded. 

"What a fucked up world we live in..." she breathed. 

Eddie nodded. She was right. It was Richie's story to tell. He felt Bev relax beside him. They sat in silence, a mutual understanding, a mutual worry, a mutual feeling. All things considered, it was nice. 

"Time for group," Billy, a staff member that had 24601 tattooed on his arm, said. Bev smiled at him reassuringly as they got up. 

"I'm going to go force him to come," Eddie mumbled.

"Seven minutes," she whispered. 

"Thanks." 

He saw a nurse poke her head into Eddie and Richie's room, probably telling Richie that group was starting. When they reached the group therapy door, Eddie promised Billy that he was just going to the bathroom. He walked into his room and saw Richie, asleep, curled into a tight ball. He did go to the bathroom, just to wait out the staff and other patients going into group. He washed his hands and went to Richie. 

"Rich," he said gently, shaking the lump gently. The lump groaned. "I know. Come on, you need to get up."

"Why?" he gargled. Eddie pursed his lips and tried something. 

"...For me? Please?" 

A pause.

And then Richie uncurled himself, groaning and cursing. 

"Fine, Spaghetti." 

Eddie sighed in relief although his heart was pounding. "Thanks, Rich. I'll save you a seat if I can." 

He left and went into the room, where there were two seats waiting for him and Richie. He silently thanked Bev, who winked. The room was kind of empty. He felt bad but he hadn't noticed that Savannah and Ellie had left probably late yesterday. Also, the fact that Ben was still sleeping. Bill had joined the group and was sitting across from Bev on the windowsill. He received waves as he sat down. Therapy started. It was the same therapist, Miss. Wong, that had endured their ass-eating talk yesterday. 

"I see we have some new faces in here," she started. "Why don't we all go around and say our names? I'm Miss. Wong." 

So they listed off their names. 

Bev. 

Alyssa. 

Bill. 

Sam.

Stan. 

Eddie.

Miles. 

Mike. 

Saige. 

"And, because we have some new faces, we'll be starting with an ice breaker. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?" 

"Somewhere I could eat my own ass," Mike said. 

"No, stop it," Miss. Wong commanded. "This is therapy, and if you're going to talk about that, you can leave." 

"Wow," Stan said, "you're kicking a mentally disturbed person out of therapy? At a mental hospital?"

"I-is that s-s-safe?" 

"No, Bill, I don't think it is," said Stan, crossing his arms and shaking his head like a disappointed parent. 

Bev shook her head too, matching Stan's disappointed look. "I guess that's just what society has turned into." 

"Well, they do all force us here in an ambulance, strapped to a table," Miles piped up, "so yeah, I'd say they're just trying to get rid of us." 

"Whoa, conspiracy theory!" Sam laughed. "They send us here to kill us." 

Eddie grinned at the idea. "They hide us beneath those giant flowerpots outside," he laughed. "There are little chutes that just lead down." 

"The body dump," Miles said gleefully. 

"Th-the chutes l-lead to th-the s-s-sewers," Bill said, rubbing his hands together. 

"Where a clown eats us," Stan giggled. "And then what's left of us will end up in the ocean." 

"Where we'll be eaten by sharks," Alyssa laughed. 

"We aren't trying to kill you-" 

Just as she said that, Richie opened the door. Without missing a beat, he said, 

"Are you fucking sure about that? Have you even seen the food they serve? Let alone try it? I'm not even sure it's supposed to be eaten." 

"Yeah, they're trying to kill us," Stan said. "They throw our bodies under those flower pots outside that lead directly to the sewers. Where we're eaten by a crazy sewer clown." 

Richie laughed as he plopped down next to Eddie. He wanted to hold Richie's hand, but he knew he couldn't. That didn't stop them from leaning toward each other and not touching, but just by the littlest bit. 

"I'm Richie," Richie said, "and I'm here because I want to die and love dick." 

"HEYO!" Bev yelled. Eddie swallowed and, as a leap of faith, and a way to try and become more comfortable in himself,

"Felt that," he croaked. 

Richie looked at him and grinned widely. And that was worth it. 

"I'm Miles and I'm here because my parents caught me high as shit." 

Richie got up and ran over to him, holding up his hand for a high five. Miles, confused, put up his hand.

"No touching!" Miss. Wong wailed.

They air high-fived and Stan jumped in to clap for them in Ben's absence. Richie pranced back to his seat as Miss. Wong's head was in her hands. As Richie sat down, he pressed a quick kiss to the top of Eddie's head. 

"Richie!" Eddie hissed, flustered and red.

He knew that everyone had just seen what happened. He looked around. Bev, Stan, Mike, and Bill were smirking openly or from behind their hands. Saige and Alyssa were rolling their eyes. He was sure that they knew, too. Miles and Sam seemed a little surprised but didn't say anything. 

Eddie, on the other hand, was this close to yelling at Richie. Everyone saw that. They couldn't trust everyone who showed up to not say anything. There was also a security camera in the group room. They were going to get caught and put on peer boundaries. Not only that, but there would also be calls home and Eddie would never be allowed to leave the house and have to go through some crazy treatment plan. All because Richie had pulled that dumbass move. 

Ben opened the door and sulked in. He sat in the last remaining chair. It hit Eddie, with a cold feeling, that by the time the day was up, two new chairs would be open. Mike and Ben were leaving. 

"Morning, sunshine," Bev called. 

"Hey, Bev," he mumbled. 

"How'd you sleep, Haystack?"

Haystack? Seriously, what went through Richie's head to give them these nicknames?

"Not enough," he groaned. Richie nodded understandingly.

"I was up until, like, three in the morning. Then a few hours of really good sleep, but, like the turd he is, lil ol' Spaghetti Man over here made me wake up," he said fondly. 

"It's therapy," Eddie reasoned. 

"Is it?" Richie laughed. "When I walked in, you were talking about this fine institution trying to kill us." 

"Not trying to," Sam said, "they will." 

Richie pointed at him. "Yes. They will kill us." 

"We aren't trying to kill you, we're trying to help you!" 

"It's not so much therapy," said Bev thoughtfully, "as a source of entertainment." 

"A-amen." 

"That's not its purpose," Miss. Wong tried desperately. "And we're not trying to kill you." 

"That's exactly who someone who was trying to kill us would say," Alyssa deadpanned. "What are you hiding?" 

"I'm not hiding anything!" 

"Then what's your deepest secret?" Saige asked. 

Miss. Wong turned red. "I can't tell you that." 

Miles nodded wisely. "She's a furry." 

The room burst out laughing. Miss. Wong whispered something that sounded like, 'Good lord, why is this what I do with my life?' 

Eddie watched as she picked up her phone and texted someone. After that, she seemed to shut down and let them do what they want. Sam asked about the ass eating comment that Mike made and Richie took off, explaining the entire thing. He looked adorable and full of life. Not at all what Eddie had seen six hours ago. Mike hit his shoulder lightly. He looked around. 

"Not that you guys aren't obvious enough already, but that was super obvious," he whispered. 

Eddie facepalmed, embarrassed as all hell. 

"Honestly, it's a goddamn marvel they haven't figured it out already," Mike said admiringly. 

"There's nothing to figure out, Mike," Eddie groaned. "I hate you." 

"Hey, don't say that," Mike gasped dramatically, "I'm leaving soon! Don't let the last memory of you I have to be that!" 

Eddie frowned as he suppressed a grin. "Don't we live like, really close to each other?" 

"Yeah, and we'll be going to the same school in a couple of days, but still! It's the thought that counts." 

Eddie finally laughed. Mike was joining them at school. "Sure, okay." 

"See?" Mike punched his arm. "That's better. You, Eddie, agreeing with- wait, what's your last name?" 

"Kaspbrak." 

"You," Mike continued, "Eddie Kaspbrak-" 

"Kaspbrak?" Richie jumped in. He looked at Eddie. "Your last name is Kaspbrak?" 

Eddie blinked. "Yeah?" 

Richie snorted. "That's weird-ass last name, babe." 

"Really?" Eddie challenged. "What's your last name, _babe?"_

"Ooh, I like it when you get all-" 

"Beep beep," Mike interrupted. "Tozier. His last name is Tozier." 

"Tozier?" Eddie cackled. "You think that's better than mine?" 

Richie looked mildly offended. "Obviously." 

"You're wrong." 

"Sure, whatever, but, please let me have this:" 

Eddie was mildly scared. "What?" 

Richie grinned. "Take my last name when we get married?" 

Eddie's ears felt hot as he started yelling at Richie, on top of all the other noise in the room. He wanted nothing more than to beat him with a pillow. As he screamed that into Richie's laughing face, the door opened, and the therapist that had been there on Eddie's first day entered. Miss. Wong got up, having already gathered her things, and walked out of the room after thanking Mrs. Kersh. 

"I'm s-sorry," Bill said, making the room go silent, "did w-we b-break her s-s-s m-much that sh-she quit?"

And the laughter started again. 

It wasn't a very productive therapy session. 

\---

After group therapy was activity therapy. Aza was late, so Eddie, Bev, Stan, Mike, Miles, and Sam stood around, laughing and talking as Bill, Ben, and Richie ate sandwiches. Aza ran in a few minutes later, holding a dodgeball, apologizing for her lateness. She said that today, they would be playing human battleship. Bill, Eddie, Miles, and Sam looked at each other, confused, as everyone who had been there longer than them got up and ran over to where they watched movies and pushed the chairs into a straight line in the middle of the rug. 

The staff laid a large white sheet over the chairs. Eddie was so lost. What was happening? They were split up into teams: 

Eddie, Bev, Miles, Alyssa, Bill, and Stan. 

And then Richie, Mike, Ben, Sam, and Saige.

They were supposed to lay on the ground, not being able to see each other due to the chairs and the sheet. Then, they would use the dodgeball that Aza brought and throw it over the chairs in the hopes that it would hit someone. If the person got hit, they'd be out. If someone caught the ball, the thrower would be out. Simple enough. 

They went to opposite sides of the chairs and all laid down. Stan and Alyssa pressed themselves against the chairs, which Eddie had to admit was really smart. He set himself down close to the chairs, but far enough away from Alyssa that they wouldn't touch and could move. Miles, Bev, and Bill laid themselves down on the carpet and the game began. 

"FEEL MY WRATH," Richie yelled as the ball was thrown over. It didn't hit anyone, so it was simply the other team's ball to throw back. 

This continued for some time, laughing and yelling at each other from across the barricade. Miles, Bill, and Stan were out on Eddie's team. As far as he knew, over on Richie's side, Sam, Mike, and Saige were out. So it was just Ben and Richie. 

The ball landed next to him and he picked it up. Testing the weight in his hand, he listened as Richie sang, 

"TAKE ME TO YOUR BEST FRIEND'S HOUSE, ROLL AROUND THIS ROUNDABOUT, OOOOOOOH YEAH." 

Eddie exhaled as he threw that ball up near where he heard Richie's voice. Hopefully, it would hit him as he was distracted by singing Grouplove. 

"TAKE ME TO YOUR BEST FRIEND'S HOUSE, MARMALADE, WE'RE MAKIN' OUT, OOOOOOOOH- ACK!" 

"THOSE AREN'T THE _LYRICS-"_

Eddie burst out laughing as Richie screamed demonically. 

"MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!" he cried. Eddie laughed harder as he saw Richie storm around the chairs with the ball in his hand, pretending to be angry. "Who threw this?!" 

Eddie raised his hand and with tears in his eyes, said, "Me." 

Richie raised an eyebrow as he tried to keep a smile down. "You'll pay for that, Spaghetti," he said. 

Eddie saw this and raised both his eyebrows. "Will I?" he challenged. 

"Oh, yeah," he nodded. "You've got a big storm comin'." 

And then he hit the pose from the Vine as he walked away. That was the nail in Eddie's coffin. When the ball was thrown over by Ben, he wasn't paying attention because he was laughing too much and was hit in the stomach. 

They continued playing and Eddie's team won the majority, 4-3. As usual, there was a half-hour of personal time before lunch and the Tuesday visiting time. Richie meandered over to their room and lazily opened the door before falling back on his bed. Eddie closed the door behind him and laid down on his bed. They sat in silence for a few minutes. It was tense. 

Eddie swallowed. "What did you use to do it?" 

Richie started moving and Eddie looked over at him. He watched as the taller boy pushed himself into a sitting position. Eddie followed in suit. Richie looked down at his hands, which were in his lap. He looked ashamed. 

"My nails," he eventually whispered. 

"Nails?" Eddie repeated. Richie nodded. 

Eddie knew Richie's nails. They were blunt and short. He must have been scratching at himself for hours to draw enough blood that warranted the bandages. Eddie found himself on Richie's bed, at the headboard. He reached for Richie's hand, but Richie flinched at his touch. Eddie deflated and watched helplessly as Richie pushed himself to the end of his bed. The farthest he could be from Eddie without getting off the bed. 

"Why?" Eddie asked. He just wanted an answer. He was scared. Richie smiled bitterly. 

"Because I fuck things up." 

"Rich..." 

"No, Eddie, I do. I told you I liked you and you just..." He laughed. "You did what a sane person would do. You got away from me." 

Eddie frowned. "Richie, you just caught me off guard-" 

"No!" He was clearly so frustrated, not with Eddie, but with himself for not being able to say the words that he wanted to. "I- it's what I always do. You had an _anxiety attack._ I push things too far. I get so attached to people and I say stupid things. I don't blame you. For getting away." 

"I'm right here," Eddie tried. 

"Yeah, but what about after this?" Richie snapped. "It's not like we're going to be best friends. Sure, we go to the same school, but we won't hang out." 

Eddie was dumbstruck and hurt. Richie hid his face in his hands. 

"Fuck, I'm sorry. That- that's what I'm talking about! I get attached to people, I'm attached to you, and I just said that because... because..." 

"Because you're scared they'll feel the same way," Eddie finished. Richie nodded. Eddie nodded, even though Richie couldn't see him. He understood. He did. Richie was handling the same feeling as Eddie, just differently. Richie made friends and pushed them away. Eddie avoided making friends so he wouldn't have anyone to push away. 

They were scared of being emotionally attached to people. But Richie couldn't help but do it. Eddie did it too, but he convinced himself he didn't. 

"I want to be your friend," Eddie whispered. He wanted to be more than that, but... 

"I don't want to be your friend," Richie sighed. Eddie's head jolted up. 

"What?" 

"I want... more than that. With you. I want more, Eddie." 

Richie's words hung between them. It made them both jump when Billy opened up the door. 

"Your own beds, please," he said. 

Eddie, in how much Billy had just startled him, jumped to his own bed. Billy thanked him and closed the door. He looked over at Richie and found him shaking. 

"Rich, I know that you think you just messed up, but please don't," he begged. Richie looked up at him hopefully and it crushed Eddie to have to say, "But it's scary. Both of our parents think we're sick, or something. And we live in Derry. Derry, Richie. It's not just scary, it's dangerous." 

Richie's head dropped and his gaze found his hands again. He nodded. 

"Look," he breathed, "I know you think you're messed up, but you're not. You get attached to people, but Richie, that's okay, that's human. The only thing that's fucked up is the chemical imbalance in your brain. There is nothing wrong with you. You're just having a hard time right now, but it's okay. Everything will be okay."

Richie was trying not to cry. He could tell from the shaking of Richie's shoulders. 

"You really have a way of turning my own words around on me, huh?" he laughed weakly. Eddie shrugged. 

"Well, they're good words." 

\---

Lunch was uneventful. Other than the horrible macaroni and beef, something that made Eddie throw up a little bit in his mouth when he saw it, everything was fine. He, Bev, and Ben had salads while everyone else either complained about the food or ate it, saying that it wasn't half bad. Saige left and Alyssa joined their group of tables, announcing that she would be leaving in an hour or so. Mike would be leaving a little bit after her, around 4:00, and Ben was leaving about 8:30.

It began hitting Eddie that everyone was leaving. Sure, Mike would be around, and at least he would see him, but he didn't know how they would treat each other after this. He tried to push it out of his mind, though, when Lexi showed up and offered to take them all outside for structured activity, everyone jumped at the opportunity. 

Soon, they were all outside, throwing snowballs at each other in an every-man-for-himself snowball fight. Well, it was supposed to be every man for himself, but Alyssa and Bev seemed to have teamed up. Bev was making snowballs and handing them to Alyssa, who had amazing aim. Eddie was holding a snowball, laughing at Stan, who had just been hit and saw Richie out of the corner of his eye. He was throwing a snowball at Mike. 

Eddie pivoted and threw his snowball as hard as he could in Richie's direction. Richie happened to turn and Eddie missed the outcome because a snowball hit him and he turned around to take revenge. To defend his own honor. And do to the identical demonic scream from earlier, and the screech of, 

"MY FACE!" 

Edde guessed that he had hit Richie in the face. Again. Wow, he had great aim today. 

After about another hour of this, everyone was tired, Eddie had accidentally hit Richie in the face two more times, and they checked to see if their theory of under-flowerpot-tubes-to-the-sewer was correct, but there was nothing there. They discussed more theories as snow began to fall lightly, such as UFOs taking them, the CEO using acid to dissolve their bodies, pure cannibalism, and magic. 

"Mike, your parents are here," Billy said. 

"No!" Eddie gasped dramatically. Mike chuckled as he got up. 

"Eddie, you know I'm starting at Derry high, like, next week?" 

Eddie felt ecstatic. He had forgotten about that. 

"Yeah," Stan said, "and Bill and Ben and I all go to the same private school, where we get bullied, which is why we're here. We're trying to convince our parents to let us switch to Derry high. And our doctors are recommending it, too. For our safety." 

"Hey," Lexi said, "don't say anything to give away your location." 

"Sorry." 

"M-my parents al-already said yes," Bill smiled. 

"And my mom is probably on board," Ben mused. 

"Wait..." Eddie was trying to process. "So... we'll be going to the same school?" 

"Hopefully," Bev said cheerily. 

"I gotta go," Mike said. "Bye, Sam! Bye, Alyssa. Bye, Miles!" 

Sam, Alyssa, and Miles all waved goodbye and good luck. 

Eddie had a support system outside of there. They were all going through this together and they would come out of this together, too. He had friends. He had people who understood. He wanted to cry. 

Structured activity ended and his hands were ice. He and Richie joked about his aim and how he was ruining Richie's moneymaker. After personal time was dinner and visiting time. As he and Richie walked out of their room, having fixed their hair and tried to not look as drunk on each other as they were, they were instantly sobered at the sight of Sonia Kaspbrak sitting at a table, flanked by two security guards. 

"Mommy," Eddie heard himself say. 

She waved frantically, so much so that she almost fell out of the chair she was sitting on. In a high pitched, annoying voice, cried, "Eddie-bear! Oh, are you okay? You look so skinny! Come here!" 

Eddie, being trained like he was up to this point in his life, almost took a step forward. But he stopped himself at the last second. This didn't deter his mother, though. 

"Are you still confused? Eddie-bear, please, talk to me!" she whined. 

When Eddie stepped forward, this time, it was because he wanted to. He walked up to her and stood stalk still in front of her. 

"Eddie, please-" 

"Be quiet, please," he said calmly. "Look, I don't want to talk to you. I'm going to go eat dinner with my friends and... and I don't know. Just please leave."

He turned away and started walking to the food cart, his hands shaking. He did it again. He stood up to his mother. His mother. Sonia Kaspbrak.

"EDDIE!" she wailed. "EDDIE, PLEASE! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!" 

The screeching of the chair on the floor was enough to make Eddie hide behind the wall next to the food cart. He sank to the floor. He felt numb, like the first time he had stood up to her, but not as bad. He knew what he just did. He had done it before. Richie leaned down next to him. 

"Nice job," he grinned as his mother's screams could be heard. 

"NO! YOU WILL NOT DO THIS TO ME AGAIN! EDDIE! EDDIE! EDDIE! DON'T LET THEM DO THIS TO ME!" 

Richie's grin and his words of encouragement were all that he needed to hear. He was focusing so hard on Richie that he almost didn't hear his mother's screams as she was pulled out of the ward, most likely out of the building, of, "I KNEW YOU COULDN'T DO IT! I KNEW YOU WOULD BETRAY ME! YOU'RE WEAK! WEAK!" 

Richie's hands twitched toward him, obviously wanted to touch him, but not being able to. Eddie shook his head gently, a scared smile on his face. He pushed himself up, still shaking, and got his salad. Richie was right behind him. Slowly, but much faster than last time, he warmed back up to the world. Before he sat down, Bill called his name. He looked up. Bill was sitting at a table with his family. Eddie frowned. 

"Yeah?" he said back. 

"C-come here," he said kindly, waving him over. Confused, Eddie set his food down on the table and walked over to Bill and his family. He looked back at Richie, who shrugged and waved. Bev and Sam joined him at the table and Eddie turned back to where he was going. 

"Hi," he said awkwardly as he approached. He sat down in the only remaining chair. Bill's parents smiled at him. 

"Hi, I'm Zack," his father said, extending his hand. Eddie shook it tentatively.

"And I'm Sharron."

He shook Sharron's hand, too. "I'm Eddie." 

"Yes, we know," Zack grinned. 

"Bill told us about you," Sharron said kindly, "you seem like a good friend."

Eddie blushed and scratched the back of his head. "Thanks. Bill, you're a good friend, too." 

"Th-thanks, Eddie." 

"We're sorry you couldn't meet Georgie today," Sharron said. "He really wanted to come, but he had to go to a birthday party." 

Eddie didn't know what to say. "It's okay?" he tried. 

"Maybe next time," Zack sighed. "So, tell us about yourself, Eddie." 

Eddie blinked. "Uh... I have asthma. I like comic books. I'm kind of a neat freak..." 

"Bill tells us you have a really good aim," Zack grinned. 

Eddie frowned. "What do you mean, sir?" 

"Please, none of that 'sir' business. Just Zack is fine." Eddie nodded. "But Bill said that you hit Richie in the face four times today." 

"They were all accidents!" Eddie said quickly, scared of ruining their image of him. 

They all laughed. 

"We're considering sending Bill to Derry high," Sharron said. "You go there, right?" 

Eddie nodded. 

"How is it?" 

"I guess it's okay..." Eddie shrugged. "I mean, with Bill there, it makes me, you, Richie, Bev, Mike, and probably Ben. If Stan comes, all of us will be there." 

"Th-the L-L-L-Losers Club," Bill grinned. 

"Why the Losers Club?" Zack asked. 

"I don't know," Eddie admitted. "I showed up and it was already a thing." 

"H-he showed up a f-few hours af-after me." 

They continued talking until visiting time was over and Eddie found that he really, really liked Bill's family. They departed by saying that he could come over at any time, and to Eddie's surprise, a motherly hug from Sharron. When they left, Eddie turned to Bill. 

"What was that?" 

Bill shrugged. "They w-wanted to m-meet you." 

"Why?" 

Bill shrugged again. 

"What was all that about?" Richie asked when they were back in the group of tables. 

"I don't know," Eddie said, sitting down. He liked it, though. He unwrapped the salad that he had forgotten about until he sat down. "They're really nice." 

"I don't trust 'em," Richie said with narrowed eyes. 

"H-hey!" 

"Whoa, what did Bill's family ever do to you, Richie?" Bev laughed. 

Richie pointed a menacing finger at Bill. "You know exactly what you did." 

Bill flipped him off. 

The rest of the night was fairly uneventful. Ben left at 7:00, saying that he'd see Eddie and everyone else at school. Eddie smiled wider than he thought he ever had. Everything was going to be okay. 

They sang and started teaching Bill ukulele, found out that Alyssa, whose parents hadn't come to pick her up yet, had a beautiful singing voice, pestered Billy to print off more and more chords for them to play, Richie grabbed a couple of handfuls of little plastic things of peanut butter, which for him, was about 22 packages. They all put peanut butter in their mouths and laughed until they cried when each and every one of them talked with a lisp. 

They watched Zootopia, or rather, watched Sam and Bev perform Zootopia for them, laughing at how bad it was, but also at how impressive that it was that they both had a lot of the dialog memorized. Once Zootopia was over, Lexi, Billy, and Kristen let them start another movie, which they fought about for so long that they ran out of time, but the movie that they would watch tomorrow would be Aladdin. 

"Because of the Aladdin," Richie said, which prompted all the kids from Derry and around Derry to change their vote, making Pocahontas lose. 

Miles was bitter about it because he said that he could do an amazing duet with her during Colors of the Wind, and he was promised that he could serenade them later. 

They were all shooed to take their meds and get toothpaste and whatnot, which lead Richie and Eddie into their room. While Eddie was brushing his teeth, Richie came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his head on Eddie's shoulder. 

"Thanks for not running away," he said softly. Eddie leaned his head into Richie's. Richie seemed to get the message. Eddie went to get towels, shampoo, body wash, and conditioner. 

When he got out, he found Richie was gone. He peeked out and saw Richie at the front desk. It looked like he was getting his bandages redressed. Eddie changed quickly and took his wet towels out. 

"Hey, Eddie," Lexi said, walking out to him. Richie turned around and gave him a halfhearted grin before turning his body so Eddie couldn't see his arms. That scared him. But he had to talk to Lexi. "Towels?" she asked. He nodded. 

Lexi used her keycard to open the door to the laundry room. Against the wall, across from the washer and dryer, was a hamper that Eddie threw his wet towels into. He walked back to the room slowly, hoping Richie would catch up to him. In the end, when he was a few paces from the door, he did. 

"Thank you, madam," Richie said in a terrible French accent when Eddie opened the door for him. When he closed it, he pulled Richie in tight. "Uh, hey-" 

"Please don't do that again," Eddie begged. "Please. Please don't hurt yourself again. At least not tonight. Let's start with tonight, okay?" 

Richie wrapped his arms around him and put his head on top of Eddie's. "Okay." 

"Do you promise?" 

Richie pulled away and smiled weakly. 

"I promise." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jfc i wrote and published two things and edited this go me


End file.
